You may ask:
What effect has COVID-19 had on the Jews?
Well, before Corona we were accused of being a tribe of screamers.
And now we have been converted into a nation of streamers.
You may ask:
Will I be surprised by the power of confinement on the souls of our people?
Only if davening in the temple of technology bothers you.
Only if paying your monthly synagogue dues via credit card upsets you.
Only if praying to your silver-screened Torah causes you discomfort.
You may ask:
Haven’t we wandered these Arabian deserts—Amazon, Netflix and HBO (The Holy Trinity)—searching for greener pastures and our promised land?
Of course we have, but now our children:
Hold master degrees in “Naked Archeology”
Study psychology—Cannon’s “fight or flight” theory—while watching “Plot Against America.”
Binge on the Shoah to qualify for certificates in Holocaust Studies.
Learn how “unorthodox” our tribe really is.
Flock together and marvel at the miracle of watching Israeli films with English subtitles, where Mossad agents are super heroes.
Seek PhDs in Contemporary Jewish Culture by studying the scripts of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and “The Kominsky Method.”
You may ask:
How has the virus affected the alter cockers?
Well, our senior citizens have found the Temple’s hidden treasures buried deep in their memory vaults.
They have found the Holy Tablet containing the “must-watch 10”:
Exodus Shoah
Fiddler on the Roof A Serious Man
Yentl Schindler’s List
The Ten Commandments The Chosen
The Pianist Ben-Hur
Upon completion of viewing these movies, those seniors who desire can write a thesis about the films and will receive a Masters of Divinity for their efforts.
Some seniors looking for second careers, have commenced studying at Newark’s prestigious, “Rabbi Bengelsdorf School of Holy Scholars.”
You may ask one final question:
Will the Chosen people ever return to normal after this devastating pandemic?
Please wait one holy minute, the word “normal” has and never will be found in any Jewish dictionary.
In fact it has been ordained that the word “Jewish” and the word “normal” are not allowed to be found in the same sentence.
So forget about it.
