December 11, 2022
Dear Mort Laitner:
Hanukkah sameach!
My name is Abe Goldberg and you probably have never heard of me, but I’m the President of Jewish Republicans for Trump 2024.
My small organization has a big problem.
And one of our members suggests that you might be the right person to help us solve it.
That member regularly reads your blogs in The Times of Israel.
He claims you know how to get right to the point and you write from your heart.
And we need your help.
So here’s our problem.
Around week or so ago, former President Trump publically criticized Jewish leaders for not expressing enough “loyalty” toward him after he broke bread, in his home, with two rabid anti-Semites (West and Fuentes).
You see after the media uproar about his dinner with Kanye and Nick ended in his total disgrace, our ex-president needed someone to blame. So of course, he blamed us and said, “Jewish leaders forgot that I was the best by far, President for Israel. They should be ‘ashamed’ of themselves.”
Well, my board of directors met to discuss this thorny issue; we came to the conclusion that we needed a man with your expertise, with your ability to write a concise, factual letter that will meet with Mr. Trump’s approval.
Ergo, we are requesting that you ghost write our letter of apology, shame and contrition to the former president for not supporting his disgusting behavoir in Mar-a-Lago.
If you agree to accept this assignment, please email us your draft to JRfT2024.com. If we find your letter satisfactory, we shall pay you handsomely for your work.
Sincerely yours,
//Signed
Abe Goldberg, President of Jewish Republicans for Trump 2024
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December 12, 2022
Dear Abe Goldberg:
Chag sameach!
I thank you and your organization for the honor and opportunity to ghost write your letter to Donald Trump.
Here is my draft for your consideration.
Dear Former President Donald Trump:
Pursuant to your request and on behalf of Jewish Republicans for Trump 2024, please accept this letter as a humble attempt of fulfilling your infantile need for attention.
First of all, “What have you done for us lately?”
“Absolutely nothing!
But give us tsuris.”
Not even a Hanukkah card with you flipping latkes at Mar-a-Lago.
Other than crying like a little baby, “I didn’t know Fuentes was a neo-Nazi. Kanye tricked me when he brought him over to my house.”
What an amateur move.
And you claim to be a player.
But you imply that it’s okay for you to invite “Wannabe-Jew-Killer” Kanye to your frigging home.
What the hell were you thinking?
And then you don’t have the guts or the testicles to say:
I’m sorry.
I’m ashamed of my stupid behavior.
I made a mistake.
I won’t do it again.
And while you’re saying sorry, why don’t you apologize for lighting the fuse to the largest anti-Semitic time bomb in American history.
You are a shonda, a total disgrace to humanity.
A man with no shame for his abhorrent behavior and no loyalty to anyone but himself.
Sir, you have brought shame upon us all.
Sir, we are sorry to inform you that, “We no longer have any loyalty toward you. We are ashamed to have ever supported you.”
And in the 2024 campaign we will be supporting Ron DeSantis or Nikki Haley.
Sincerely yours,
//Signed
Abe Goldberg, President of Jewish Republicans for DeSantis or Haley 2024
