With great curiosity, I reread the headline:

Chinese company sending mysterious unsolicited shipments of seeds to Americans. Government warns: Do not plant seeds from unknown origins.

Chinese conspiracies ran rampantly through my mind.

Another virus foisted upon American shores.

However my memory bank seemed to recall the old unsolicited-shipments-of-seeds scam.

But for the life of me, I couldn’t remember how these crooks used the seeds to con honest people out of their money?

The very next day, my unsolicited shipments of seeds arrived.

Standing on edge of my lawn, right next to my garden, I ripped open the envelope.

I yanked out the letter and started to read.

Dear Sir or Madame,

Our goal is to put smiles on faces.

So during these trying times, we thought we could lighten your burden and brighten your day with a free gift for your garden.

A gift to help you navigate this pandemic with the beauty of flowers.

So please enjoy our complimentary varietal package of seeds.

We have named our seeds—Change, Hope, Love, Peace, Knowledge and Kindness.

I pulled my eyes off of letter and smiled, “Wow! Fruits of the spirit. I loved their simple approach. I loved their pitch. I loved the free package of inspirational seeds.

“But what’s the catch?”

I continued reading:

 “Remember these seeds do need water, soil, sunlight and faith to take root and grow.

Fear not planting these seeds of change in your heart and in your garden.

They are only contaminated with love.

Cultivate our seeds of hope in your garden of desires—for without hope life is so mundane.

Spread our seeds of love with reckless abandon—knowing that your harvest will be bountiful.

Sow our seeds of peace for without peace life can be so weary.

Disseminate our seeds of knowledge–for teaching makes you immortal.

Scatter our seeds of kindness randomly across your fields—for many have planted seeds of hatred in your head and you did not allow them to germinate.

During these troubled times remember things won’t always be bad.

May your garden be blessed with an abundance of flowers and may you reap a harvest of joy.

Sincerely yours,

The Random Acts of Kindness Society

As I placed the letter back in the envelope, I thought, “No catch. No pleading for funds. Just a whole bunch of wisdom and love.”

I studied the artwork on the packet of seeds.

A plethora of rainbows, flowers, and butterflies adorned its cover.

I ripped open the packet, poured the seeds into my palm and rolled my fingers over them.

Throwing caution and the seeds into the wind, I watched them fly across on my garden.

Knowing that these seeds of change needed to be shared.

During my life time, I’ve been in a few pickles.

So when I read that Seth Rogan starred in an HBO movie, called, “An American Pickle” I pondered, “What would this film be about?”

I thought, “A film about some American Jews who kept their mouths shut, from 1933 until December 7, 1941, while their brethren were being beaten, raped and murdered at the hands of the Nazis and their collaborators?”

You may ask, “Why were they silent?”

Because they were in a pickle.

They feared rising anti-Semitism in the States if they supported European Jewry.

They lived in this “self-interest pickle” where their self-interests were way more important than the lives of others.

Their mantra, “Why take the risks? It’s not my problem.”

Then I wondered, “Would the film be about the J Street crowd?”

A bunch of American Jews that only support Israel half-heartedly.

You may ask, “Why half-heartedly?”

Because they’re in a pickle.

If they fully support Israel other Americans may think they have dual loyalties.

And everyone knows having dual loyalties makes you less of an American.

Finally, I wondered, “Would the film be about Seth Rogan downgrading the thought that Israel is a safety net for diaspora Jews or questioning the right of Jews to have a homeland.”

You may ask, “Why would a Jew say such dreck?”

Because he was in a pickle.

How do you get some buzz for your movie during a pandemic?

Say some crap that will take wings on the web.

I pictured Seth’s mother calling him up right after the uproar.

Right after the rabbi had called, right after the relatives had called and right after the neighbors started knocking on her door.

“Seth, bubeleh, mein shayna boychick, you gotta minute for your poor old mom?”

“Of course Mom, take as long as you need.”

“Well son, you’ve gotten yourself and me into a real pickle.”

“Mom, tell me something I don’t know.”

Well, you don’t know the names people are calling me to my face.

You don’t know that at the temple, I hear them whispering, “She’s the mother of the idiot!”

They point their fingers in my face and say,”When is your son going to apologize to the State of Israel?”

They’ve made me feel like a real pariah.

Seth, you have made me a victim of fanaticism.

Last night, I went to bed crying and I couldn’t fall asleep.

Son, please, I beg you  to clean up this mess.”

“Mom, I hear you. Tell me what you want me to do?”

“Well this is what I recommend. Listen carefully. Have you got a pencil and a piece of paper so you can take notes.”

“Hold on Mom, I getting a pen and a piece of paper.”

“Here’s what you’re going to do.

First, get on your knees and pray to G-d for forgiveness;

Second, you’re going to get on that iPhone I bought you for Hanukkah;

call some big Jewish muckety-muck, preferably one that you gave some donations to.”

“Mom, I haven’t given any donations to any big Jewish muckety-mucks.”

“Then call your agent. He’ll hook you up with a name and number.”

Third, tell the muckety-muck, “I’m sorry for the stupidity that flowed out of my mouth.”

I apologize for what I said and I won’t ever say it again.

I have learned my lesson.”

Seth, have you written this down?

“Yes Mom. Okay, I’ll do it right now.”

Son, I’m not an expert on PR but when it comes to getting out of pickles, I know a thing or two.

Call me after you talked to the muckety-muck and to tell me how it went.

Seth, remember if you don’t follow my advice you’ll live to regret it.”

“Thanks for the advice, Mom.

Love ya, Bye.”

I thought, “Now that’s a movie I’d pay to see.”

And who said, Jewish mothers aren’t the best?

Hi, my name is Mort and I’m a “one-hit wonder.”

Last year, my story in the Times of Israel (TOI), “The Last Jew in Vinnitsa” received 5,720 shares.

Yes, you read that right—5,720 shares.

Yes, 5,720 people shared my story with their friends.

Instantaneously, TOI awarded me the coveted title—“One-Hit Wonder” and a certificate.

A parade of honors marched with me onto the pages of The Times of Israel.

“The Last Jew in Vinnitsa”  made:

 TOI‘s top five blog list (Popular Blogs).

TOI placed my name on their 20 POPULAR BLOGGERS LIST twenty-eight (28) times.

“The Last Jew in Vinnitsa” was given FEATURED POST status.

TOI twice added “The Last Jew in Vinnitsa” to their “Weekly Highlights” post.

Even Wikipedia Russia footnoted the my story in its article about the photograph.

Last year my readers, in the Comments Section of my blog, asked the following questions:

Q: Have any of your new stories beaten your 5,720 record?

A: I’m sorry to say, “I wasn’t even close.”

Q: How does it feel to be a one-hit wonder?

A: It’s quite sad. But I don’t cry. I’ve learned to live with the pain.

Q. How do you live with the shame?

A. It hurts, but I have lived with failure before.

Q: Can you write another story as good as “The Last Jew in Vinnitsa?”

A: I’m not sure, but I’m still trying.

Q: Has your TOI audience abandoned you?

A: Thankfully, they have not.

Q: Have you ever done any psychological research on why people share your posts?

A:Yes. The results showed that my readers have high IQs, love well-written stories that make them laugh and cry and they even enjoy a satire every once in a while.

Q: Has your small ego become obsessed with the number of shares you get on TOI?

A: Yes. I am 100% obsessed. My ass is epoxied to my computer chair and my eyes are glued to my desktop. From the moment I wake till I call it a day, I look to see if  my shares are rising. Are you being sarcastic about my “small ego?”

Q: How have your other stories done?”

A. As you will see, my stories received lots of shares:

“Boy with Raised Hands” —356;

“Have You Ever Wondered Why Some People Think Jews Are Paranoid”—242;

“Tonight Is Going To Be A Good Night” —229;

“Listen To Bernie’s Words”—153;

“The Hanukkah Bunny”—144 shares;

“Pesach in the Time of Corona Virus” —129;

“A Prayer for all Courageous Knights”—115;

“Hamsa”—108 shares.

Note to Reader: If you haven’t read these stories, they are all available on my Times of Israel blog.

Twenty-eight (28) of my seventy-two (72) published short stories rose above 50 shares.

Note to Reader: Not all stories are intended to get shares. For example, some stories are written just to educate the reader about the blogger.

Q. Are you still a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal?

A. Yup and  fourteen (14) of my short stories have appeared on their pages but who is counting.

Well, that’s it folks.

The yearly update that I promised you has come to an end.

Stay healthy, safe and happy.

Protect yourself and your loved ones.

And don’t forget to share my stories.