As you can see, the editors of the Times of Israel didn’t prohibit me from publishing the next and final edition of the “Sex on the Beach” series.

For this I am grateful.

But they did recommend that this blogger has to put an end to the series.

“We’re fearful that your blogs are ruining our reputation as a serious publication.

Times of Israel cannot be seen as a British tabloid filled with stories about sex.”

Finally, we feel you’re over milking the cow. Please find another subject to blog about.

I got the message; in my email response I told them that I agreed.

“Dear TOI editors, I promise Part Three of “Sex on the Beach” is my last and final story in this series.”

Signed your Trusty Humor Blogger.

But before I begin Part Three, for those of you who have not read “Sex on the Beach” Parts One and Part Two, may I recommend you read them before reading Part Three to gain a sense of continuity.

Today our story begins with a  New York Times reporter giving us her interview notes with the amorous couple that made love on an Israeli beach, on a restaurant table while not wearing face masks.

Remember that our goal is to compare American reporters to Israeli journalists on their coverage of salacious material.

Note to readers: The Israeli reporter for the Jerusalem Post failed to find and interview this wild and crazy couple. (See JP article dated October 4, 2020)

Reporter: I want to thank both of you for agreeing to participate in this interview. You seem like a couple of nice kids. So didn’t you realize the shanda you created in our country by not wearing masks while you fornicated on that beachside restaurant table?

Male interviewee: Yeah, we knew we blew it. We are extremely sorry for our inexcusable behavior. We set a terrible example for the “X” generation. We know how serious Covid-19 is. We have relatives who are ill and in the hospital right now. If we could do it all over again, we would have masked up.”

Reporter: You’re both appear to be in your late teens, do your parents know about you despicable behavior?

Male interviewee: Yup, we had to tell them. We need them to help us pay the fines for failure to wear masks. It’s a lot of money.

Female interviewee: I’m so sorry for disgracing the name of my family. My mother was more upset about me making love on the beach rather than my failure to wear a mask. She still thinks I’m a virgin. But when she heard about the amount of the fines she went ballistic. While my father screamed, “You’re nothing but a stupid beach whore who got caught.”

Male interviewee: You have to understand, we’re both risk takers. We love outdoor adventure sex. The thrill of getting caught is phenomenal. What a rush. What a high. But we never factored in the failure to wear masks in our risk equation.

Reporter: So your decision to do the wild thing was a spur of the moment one?

Male interviewee: Yup. Totally impulsive. The urge hit us and we went for it. You have to understand that young people today are much more open to trying new things.

Reporter: I’ve heard that one before but have you apologized to the owner of the restaurant for the bad publicity you brought on his business?

Female interviewee: We went by the restaurant to say we were sorry and we offered to buy a meal. But the owner said, “I don’t want your patronage, Don’t ever set foot on my property again.”

Reporter: Okay, here’s my last question, what have you learned from this experience?

Male interviewee: That Bibi’s mask police are pretty draconian. They had already given us tickets earlier in the day for not wearing masks. The second tickets were overkill. It’s not like we poured lighter fluid on our masks and set them on fire.

Reporter: Well, thanks again for taking the time for this interview and if you want some friendly advice? Mask up, social distance and wash your hands. This Covid-19 is deadly. It’s time for you to act like adults. Actions have consequences.

I studied their mug shots.

Yes, I saw six Wolverine Watchmen all under arrest.

Yes, they selected a name with the initials WW, which seems like an ominous  rip-off of Hitler’s SS?

Yes,  they picked a scavenger that has a reputation for ferocity and strength out of proportion to its size.

Yes, these six right-wing nuts are charged with plotting to kidnap Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer.

Yes, they also discussed “taking” Virginia Governor Ralph Northam because of his Covid-19 lockdown order.

No, I have no idea how many of these Watchman walk on our free streets seeking to deprive us of our liberty.”

Yes, I know what their goal is—to start a civil war.”

Yes, I remember that right before the end of the Civil War, John Wilkes Booth and his band of  confederates plotted the kidnapping and holding President Abraham Lincoln for ransom.

Yes, I know their plan evolved to assassination only after the South surrendered.

Yes, I rubbed the bristles on my chin, as I noticed something that these six Wolverine Watchman had in common.

Yes, they were all white and they all sported facial hair.

Yes, one even had grown a Hitler mustache.

Yes, I thought, “When was the last time, I saw in person, a man with a Hitler mustache?”

Yes, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember ever seeing anyone with a Hitler mustache.

Yes, the other five wore manicured beards.

Not scruffy beards.

Not the beards of Marx, Castro and Guevara.

Not a Lincolnesque beard.

Yes, I tried picturing a leading Nazi figure who wore a beard.

No, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember ever seeing one.

Yes, these Wolverines displayed shorter, hipper facial hair:

Cool beards to draw attention away from their weak minds;

Proud-boy beards suited to accessorize lit torches and Nazi howls.

Yes, the hairs on their chins are their badges of honor: bigotry and hatred;

Yes, their facial-hairs are ID cards—disclosing their paramilitary status;

Yes, they proudly own their beards.

Yes, it is their swastika armband, and their KKK hood.

Yes, we know what they look like and

Yes, we also have reputation for ferocity and strength out of proportion to our size.