The Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

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I love idioms.

And one of my favorites idioms is, “Truth is stranger than fiction.”

I fancy reading weird stories, waving my index finger in the air and saying, “That proves it, truth is stranger than fiction.

I consider, “How many times have I said that idiom over the last 60 years?”

Too many to count.

I wonder, “Who came up with that remarkable phrase?”

Well, it turns out that Lord Byron wrote it in his 1819 epic poem, Don Juan.

“Tis strange but true for truth is always strange; Stranger than fiction if it could be told.”

So when I read the TOI headline, “Senior US cop who displayed Nazi sign, made Holocaust jokes gets $1.5 million payout,” I stand in shock

My mouth spits out three words.

I abbreviate those words in order not offend my reader’s virgin ears.

“WTF!”

“WTF is going on?”

Even with all my anger, I stay in focus and keep reading.

I think, “Now they’re paying cops big bucks for displaying Nazi SS rank insignias and telling Holocaust jokes. What a f***** up world. What’s next?”

I try to imagine how much more money this racist cop would have been paid if he praised the Führer, grew a Hitler mustache, threw a few Nazi salutes in police headquarters and said, “Six million weren’t enough.”

Who knows.

But  the cop, Derek Kammerzell, knows the meaning of  chutzpah,

He starts negotiations with the city at  $3.1 million.

I ponder, “What are this guys roots?”

You’re right. His name gave it away. His blood is contaminated by German ancestry.

I wonder, “How will Kammerzell spend this shitload of cash?”

A pilgrimage to Germany and Austria.

A hike to Hitler’s birth place.

A lunch at the Wolf’s Lair.

A visit to the site of the Führerbunker in Berlin and to Wannsee.

A side trip to the camps.

A buying spree for Nazi paraphernalia such as an autographed copy of Mein Kamp, some Iron Crosses, some swastika flags and some SS skull rings.

I keep reading the article and learn:

Derek Kammerzell reached the rank of assistant police chief in Kent, Washington;

He worked for the city for 27 years, when he was accused of pasting Nazi SS insignias above his nameplate on his office;

The insignias consisted of an oak leaf and two diamonds and they were worn by members of the Obergrupperfuhrer in Hitler’s dreaded Schutzaffel  (SS);

Members of the Obergrupperfuhrer  were responsible for the deaths of millions of Jews and others;

Kammerzell insignias stayed above his nameplate for four days.before he was ordered to remove them;

Kammerzell claimed, “I didn’t know about the signifigance of the insignia. I thought they were  for high ranking cops with German lineage;

Kammerzell also told Shoah jokes to other officers,

“My grandfather died in the Holocaust—when he got drunk and fell out of a Nazi guard tower;”

The city found a photo of Kammerzell wearing a Hitler mustache and lederhosen doing a “Heil  Hitler” stiff arm salute;

Kammerzell claimed that in the photo he was only waving not saluting;

For these infractions and dumb lies, he was only given two weeks of unpaid leave.

For me two weeks with no pay seems a little light for a 27 year veteran of the force playing Nazi wannabe while on duty.

Well some pissed off Kent residents agree with me and they get the Kent mayor to put Kammerzell on “paid” administrative leave and demand his resignation.

This was not the brightest move, since the second penalty imposed by the city is considered an example of taking an extra bite out of the apple—double jeopardy—meaning disciplining someone for the same violation twice.

So the city to avoid litigation and possibly having to reemploy Kammerzell, decides to resolve the matter by paying Kammerzell $1,500,000 in exchange for his letter of resignation.

So you may ask, “Mort, what did you learn from this racist-cop-hits-the-jackpot story?”

What can I say, only one thing, that the truth is stranger than fiction.”

34. Thumbs up.—Josefh

35. Thanks for sharing. Terry

36. Thumbs up.—Greg

37. Thumbs up.—Cary

38. Thumbs up.—Laurie

39. Thumbs up.—Sandra

40. Thumbs up.—Madeline

41. Thumbs up.—Alicia

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June 23, 2022

Covid, Ukraine and Marjorie

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MAY 10, 2022, 11:14 PM

Dear Mort,

So sorry to hear that you got COVID.

Praying for your speedy recovery.

So to help your recovery,  I am enclosing two refrigerator magnets in this letter. One magnet has my puss on it. I know you’ll love that magnet because I’m wearing a candy apple red MAGA baseball cap.  On the other magnet appears President Trump’s face and the words, “Only I Can End The Russo-Ukrainian War.”

Remember these are not ordinary magnets. They have been blessed and remagnetized so that they remove all the microchips placed in your body when you were vaccinated or boostered against COVID. You do know what group of scientists placed those chips in those vaccines?

Well, all you have to do to energize these magnets is place them in your freezer for 45 minutes, then remove them and  rub them over all parts of your naked body for about 15 minutes.

Wait at least one hour after treatment to drive or use heavy machinery or go swimming.

If you feel ill after treatment consult with your doctor immediately.

I personally guaranty that after only one week of this therapy all microchips will have been removed from your body. Once the chips are removed the “Deep State’ will no longer be able to track you whereabouts or alter your DNA.ADVERTISEMENT

After you’re finished with the treatments your vaccinated arm will no longer be magnetic.

After you’re finished with your treatments, remember to give your magnets to your friends and family for their protection.

Tell your Jewish friends that these magnets are better than chicken soup.

And as you Jews like to say, “How could it hurt?”

Finally, to help me produce more magnets, please send us a check for $19.95 made out to my reelection campaign in the enclosed SASE.

BTW, I think your blogs about me are hilarious. I’m laughing all the way to the bank. Your writing style reminds me of when I majored in English Lit at the University of Georgia. I took a course entitled, “Great American Jewish Satirists of the Twentieth Century.” I loved studying Bruce, Allen, Sahl and Roth. You’re following in their footsteps. I love when you throw Yiddish phrases into your stories. You’re a cultural genius.

Moving on, I met with the President to discuss your ideas that he go to the Ukrainian border and put his large toes onto the Ukrainian side. This act of bravery would be long  remembered by the American voters. I told him, “Donald, your bone spurs should not interfere with this dangerous endeavor.”

The President seemed amenable to your proposition. He said, “I will definitely consider that idea and maybe Zelensky will meet me at the border for a photo op.”

We also discussed the President visiting Moscow to meet with his friend Putin.

Donald liked your ideas that he should:

  1. Request Putin’s permission to build Trump Towers in Moscow;
  2. Request all copies of the “Pee Pee tapes” be given to him before he leaves the Kremlin;
  3. Be allowed to produce another Miss World Pageant in Moscow;
  4. Get a photo op with Putin, as if they are discussing Ukraine, to show the American people that he is the “greatest negotiator and mediator in the world”;
  5. Negotiate getting the assistance from the KGB for the 2024 campaign.
  6. Finally, Donald said, “Tell Mort, I really appreciate his interesting thoughts.”

In closing, I hope you have a full recovery, keep sending me your ideas for the President and keep on blogging.

Marjorie

P.S. your son, Jason, sent me a text saying that you are totally obsessed with me. He said, “My dad is so nuts about you that he got an image of your face tattooed on his left butt cheek.”

Well Mort, I’d love for you to send me a photo of your tuchus. I bet it’s real cute.

16. Thumbs up.—Michael

17. Thumbs up.—Ta

18. Thumbs up.—Selina

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June 23, 2022

‘Win Number Four and We Want More: “We Need Rent Money” (WNRM) Accepted By UK Film Festival’

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 WNRM is proud to announce that Cult International Film Festival (Cult) has accepted our film for inclusion in their festival.

That makes four film festival wins.

 Cult is now in its sixth season.

Cult is an IMDb eligible event from United Kingdom.

 IMDb is the abbreviation for Internet Movie Database. It is a subsidiary of Amazon. The database contains some 10.1 million titles and has 83 million registered users.

Cult even has a YouTube channel to assist movie makers find distributers.

I examine Cult’s logo.

The front half of  white raven or a crow perched on a branch, silhouetted in a black frame, surrounded in white and housed in a black oval.

It takes a few seconds and then I get it.

 Alfred Hitchcock’s scary-as-hell cult film “The Birds.”

And the circle represents the lens of a movie camera.

The colors remind us of the good-old days of black and white movies.

Why only half of the bird?

Because Hitchcock always made you wonder how the story ended.

I smile.

I’m proud that at my age the synapses still connect.

I study the wallpaper that surrounds the Cult logo.

I see drawn on the wallpaper: hearts, director chairs, trophies, movie cameras, pens, sofas, scripts, the Greek masks representing comedy and tragedy and old time movie film.

I’m amazed how the artist incorporated all these film industry symbols on one piece of art.

And I especially love the hearts.

 For they represent the love of filmmaking and the love of the fans of movies.

A representation of yin and the yang, cosmic duality’s balancing act found in all art forms.

 Here’s the rest of the list:

Filmfest International is based Indian;

Medusa is a IMDb qualifier festival based American;

Focus is an IMDb recognized event that is based in Las Vegas, Nevada.

This year Focus had a celebrity jury panel consisting of Patricia Tallman of “The Night of the Living Dead” and “Star Trek” fame and Adrienne Wilkinson, famous for her role in the TV series “Xena.”

Finally, I’m proud to say, “This acceptance puts us on the map on three continents–only three more to conquer the globe.”

You ask, “Aren’t there seven continents?”

Yeah, but Antarctic doesn’t have any film festivals.

Blake reminds me to say on his behalf, “I want to thank all the actors, crew, editors and staff that helped make WNRM a winning comedy film and extra kudos go to our stars: Jason Leva, Sampson Ray Simon and Malakhai Schnell for their outstanding performances.

As we wait for win number five, thanks for joining us on this world-wide adventure.

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June 22, 2022