After the phenomenal success of his $99.00 NFT collection, the former president decides to put his mug on charity boxes.

New York Post

After the phenomenal success of his $99.00 NFT collection, the former president decides to put his mug on charity boxes.

New York Post

Monday December 19, 2022

Mar-a-Lago—It could be the perfect Hanukkah present for Orthodox, as well as secular supporters of Donald J. Trump. After making a killing or in his words a “really big” profit of over one million dollars on digital trading cards, the ex-president made another “major announcement” when he unveiled his collection of six tzedakah boxes bearing his image. On each box he appears as a different well-known super hero (wear kippahs): Super Man, Teflon Man, Con Man, Insurrection Man, The Schlong and Bone Spurs.

“I was inspired to create these Jewish themed gifts after I ate a “really big” hot pastrami sandwich on Levy’s Jewish rye shmeared with Ba-Tampte mustard at a deli on the Lower East Side. I washed it down with a large glass of wazzer mit gas. I had the whole schemiel.  So as I stood at the counter buying some marble Joyva halvah, I shook one of these charity boxes. It was filled with gelt. And I  have always loved the clanging sound coins make when they smash into each other. It reminded me of my first piggy bank. And then it hit me—if I put my beautiful mug and my svelte body in a super hero costume and had that image painted on these boxes, they would fill up in seconds. My organization could pull in millions with all proceeds going to a charity very close to my heart. A charity of my choice. Remember, I’m an expert on running charities,” he said.

In a promotional video, Trump gave the pushkas sales pitch his classic hard sell.

“These six charity boxes feature really incredible artwork pertaining to my life and my career. It has been very exciting,” he crowed. “Buy these six tin boxes, each with a different picture of me for $99.00 and you get to join a very exclusive community — it’s my community. Buy your Trump charity boxes right now before they are all gone, and they will be gone! It’s a great investment and when you sell these collectibles in five or ten years, it will help you pay for your kids’ college education.”

“Remember Hanukkah is here and these six enamel tzedakah tins make great gifts for your family, friends and business associates,” he said.

Trump added, “Buyers who return their filled charity boxes to Mar-a-Lago will be entered into a sweepstake to win prizes such as a shabbat dinner at my country club or a round of golf with me, as well as my autograph on your tin boxes and a Zoom lecture on the history of pushkas.”

Trump, well known for his classiness and his long history of giving to charities, added, “This Hebraic venture should greatly improve my support among the Jews in 2024.”

I’m driving in my car, listening to the radio, when Lois Gilbert comes on playing, “Time After Time” on her harmonica. She does this song justice. I listen; my ears kvell.

But it’s not the modern version of that song that’s playing in your head. This one is a romantic jazz standard from 1947, with lyrics by Sammy Cahn and music by Jule Styne. This one is written for Frank Sinatra to introduce the MGM film, “It Happened in Brooklyn.”

Of course, you don’t remember the lyrics to that song because you weren’t even born in 1947. Of course, you did not watch, “It Happened in Brooklyn.” It’s also from 1947.”

But if you had, these are the lyrics you would have heard.

Time after time, I tell myself that I’m
So lucky to be loving you
So lucky to be the one you run to see
In the evening, when the day is through

I only know what I know, the passing years will show
You’ve kept my love so young, so new
And time after time, you’ll hear me say that I’m
So lucky to be loving you

My brain changes channels and I hear, “Well, those were the days my friends. I thought they’d never end.” Love simplified. Life simplified.

As I drive past the intersection of University Drive and Griffin Road in the town of Davie, I remember a time in the 70s when I drove past that intersection and hooded Klansmen in their ghost-white robes held signs of hate in my face and waved their Confederate flags.

Time after time, I shot them the bird. Ten years later, at that same intersection, members of the Tea Party stood holding their “Don’t Tread on Me” signs and their Confederate flags. Time after time, I shot them the bird.

And starting in 2016 these children of the Klan hooted and howled and carried MAGA and Confederate flags and Trump 2016 or Trump 2020 or Trump 2024 flags.

Time after time, I shot them the bird knowing their grandparents were racist, their parents were bigots and they were the intolerant offspring of the ugly American.

I hear Lois stop playing her harp. The car falls silent. And I realize, “That love was never simple and life was never simple and that there will always be evil people on this planet.”

Many of my readers have inquired, “Mort, does the Times of Israel give you an annual report card?”

“Of course, they do!” I replied.

And because of these inquires, I’ve decided to publish my freshly minted, 2022 TOI report card.

This way, my readers will understand how I’m doing in eyes of the TOI editorial staff.

—

Times of Israel

An Online Newspaper with 9,000 Active Bloggers

From the Offices of the Editorial Staff

West Jerusalem, Israel

2022 Blogger’s Report Card of Mort Laitner–Class of 2019

December 13, 2022

Mort Laitner is a conscientious, hard working, prolific blogger. Sometimes, he tries too hard and when he does, it exhausts our editors.

He works independently but on occasions incorporates musicians, like Lois Gilbert and actors, like Dennis Fitzpatrick, in his works.

Mort is self-motivated but seems to have an obsession with antisemitism, the Holocaust and Donald Trump.

He consistently completes his blogs in a timely manner; for this we’re grateful.

Mort puts forth his best efforts, exceeds our expectations with the quality, quantity and creativity of his work. Because of his satirical pieces, we consider him TOI’s Andy Borowitz.

He acts maturely, even when we reject some of his stories. Mort seems to possess an empathy for our editorial staff’s decision-making process.

Overall analysis:

This blogger, Mort Laitner, has done a great job in writing about; confronting; overcoming the significant challenges facing Israel and world-wide Jewry in these difficult times.

It’s clear that he takes pride in his work.

Therefore, we recommend he be sent, via email, a TOI certificate of appreciation.

Signed,

//MHABOUT THE AUTHORFlorida’s Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, “A Hebraic Obsession”, “The Hanukkah Bunny” and “The Greatest Gift.” He produced an award-winning short film entitled, “The Stairs”. Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort was a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal. He has recently taken on the post of president of the South Florida Writers Association.RELATED TOPICS

• Antisemitism
• Blogs and Blogging
• Culture Cafe
• Fiction
• Humor

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