The phone rang at 8:00 am.

I picked it up, saw Blake’s name and said, “Good morning son.
What’s happening?”

“Great news Dad, “We Need Rent Money” (WNRM) is on Amazon
Prime. People can now buy it ($4.99) or rent it ($1.99).”

I thought, “Wow, is this really happening? Am I dreaming? Primal parental pride. I’ve been
waiting for over two years to hear those words. I often wondered, if I’d ever hear
them. I witnessed Blake traveling on this long bumpy road, from pre-production to production to post
production, from film festivals—some wins, some losses, from reviews—some
fabulous, some not so fabulous. And finally to the end of the road—film
distribution.”

“Congratulations, son. You made it to the big time. You’re in prime
time. Your feature film is on Amazon. Mom and I are so proud of you.

“Thanks Dad.”

 Well, Blake, how do you feel?”

“Dad, I feel great. But I got leave for work. I just wanted to call you
with the good news. I’ll call you later. Bye-bye.”

“Bye son. Congrats again.”

As I hung up the phone, I thought, “I’ll make a cup of coffee, turn on
the TV and watch WNRM. I’ll be Blake’s first Prime customer.”

As the coffee perked, I thought and smiled, “I’ve subscribed to Amazon
Prime for a long time and now I’m finally getting my money’s worth.”

With my Blockbuster coffee mug in one hand and my remote in the other, I
turned on the set.

 I scanned my choices looking for the curved smiling logo of Amazon Prime. I clicked on it, moved the arrow to the search tab and clicked again.

The keyboard appeared and I typed in “We Need Rent Money.”

Five movie posters appeared on the screen. There it was! The movie’s vibrant,
yellow and black poster of a young man smoking on a joint.

I smiled, one of those ear-to-ear prime parental pride smiles.

Then I studied the other four films posters:

1. Prime’s “We Need To Talk About Kevin.” A movie that I have never heard of;

2. ShowTime’s, “We Need To Talk About Cosby” with Bill’s profile and
he’s wearing a Koos van den Akker, red, green, and blue wool sweater made famous from the
Cosby show;

3. “We Need A Little Christmas” with its beautiful Christmas tree
and a family tossing silver and red tree ornaments and candy canes at each
other;

4. For some mysterious reason, “Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch” rounded out
the last of the “We Need” Films. I’m guessing that there are only
four “WE Need ” movies on stock with Prime. The poster shows the
Grinch sitting in a red leather chair with his dog on his lap. The dog appears to be wagging its tail and asking, “Why are we here with these “WE Need” movies?”

Well, we need customers to buy or rent Blake’s movie. You’ve been reading the WNRM blogs for quite a while and asking when and where can I see the movie. Well, here’s your chance to go to on Amazon Prime and give it a look.

You’ll laugh your head off.

And if you don’t, you’re that Grinch in that Dr. Seuss cartoon.

1. Loved reading the comments you made about your son with his, “Great news Dad.”
   Something a parent doesn’t always get.
   So, this was great news from you. Have a happy Needing Rent—James

2. How exciting and what a tremendous accomplishment for Blake! I know how proud his Parents are . I hope he continues to be successful in his movie career.—Lois

3. Thumbs up.—Connie

4. Thumbs up.—Laurie

5. Thumbs up.—Perry

6. Perry, Thanks for sharing.—Mort

7. Thumbs up.—Naomi

8. Thumbs up.—Joanne

9. Thumbs up.—Blake

10. Mazel tov. —Roger

11. Excellent.—Howard

12. Thumbs up.—Aimee

13. Thumbs up.—Sampson

14. Thumbs up.—Judi

15. Thumbs up.—Susan

16. Thumbs up.—Joe

17. We’ll be looking for the movie soon. Can’t wait!—Dara

18. Thumbs up.—Allan

19. That’s wonderful.—Robin

20. Thumbs up.—Phil

21. Mazel tov.—Phyliss

22.  Wow! Congrats.—Maria

23. That’s so exciting. I can’t wait to see it.—Sue

24. So exciting. I’ll rent it soon.— Judi

25. Great news. I will rent it.—Doris

26. Thanks, I’ll check it out.—David

27. Congrats. Great news.—Terry

28. Wow!—Steve

29. WOW!!  Amazon…How exciting!

A Review Wrapped in a Short Story

In my bed, I tossed, turned and listened to an audio book.

My movements ceased at around 4:00 pm, when my iPhone and I rested on the same white downy pillow.

As if two lovers, I dreamed and she continued to whisper into my ears.

I loved the soft sound of my queen’s voice.

My Scheherazade read, “An Impeccable Spy—Richard Sorge Stalin’s Master Agent” by Owen Matthews.

A riveting story, that I had listened to twice before. I thought, “Two listens to the same book pretty, pretty rare. I’ve only done that once before with Philip Roth’s novel ‘Plot Against America.’” You may think that’s not saying much about Matthews’ book, but when you consider that I’ve listened to over 1,600 books—you realize that it says a lot.

Matthews’ flawless book is about a spy/journalist burdened with multiple imperfections. Sorge  was a Communist Soviet agent. He had German heritage, but was born in Russia; he did his critical spywork in Japan. Richard Sorge managed to be one of the greatest spies that ever lived. His life was more thrilling than a Bond novel—which is why more than 100 biographies have been written about him. And yes, the Russians have encapsulated his life on film. (Richard Sorge—Master Spy,  TV series—12 episodes, Amazon Prime.)

In my dream, I asked, “Does the Jewish world owe an indebtedness to this fascinating master spy?”

And then I asked, “Why?”

Well, because Richard Sorge and his espionage team, while based in Japan, helped the Soviet Union defeat the Nazis. They accomplished this amazing feat by learning that the Japanese were not going to attack Western Russia. Sorge conveyed this critical information to Stalin. The Soviet leader then sent a million Soviet troops—with all their equipment—from western Russia to the gates of Moscow. And with the help of those additional troops, the Soviets stopped the Wehrmacht. They stopped the Nazis and eventually they won the war (Of course, with the assistance of the United States, England and their allies.)

Now I played the “What if game.”

What if Sorge’s critical information never made it to Stalin and the Russians lost Moscow and the Nazis occupied all of Russia. Then most likely, the 500,000 European Jews that survived World War II would have been murdered. And another 2 million Jews that survived the war by living in the Soviet Union would have been killed. (I don’t know how many Jews, Stalin murdered. My research has not yielded the numbers. If you my readers have found comprehensive numbers, please let me know.)

I thought, “Yup, that’s an indebtedness of two and a half million people.”

Ring ring, ring ring, ring ring. Damn it! Interrupted REM sleep.

“Don’t answer it. It’s a scam call.”

But I glanced at the number and I saw it was an international call—with a country code of 57.

“Who’s calling me from Columbia?” I wondered.

Now I had to answer the call. So with my eyes half opened, I tapped answer and whispered, “Hello, how can I help you?”

A man’s voice replied, “Hi, my name is David Jutkowitz. I’m calling from Cali, Columbia. You don’t know me but I need your legal assistance. I’m a 83 year-old, American Jew, who spent a good number of years behind bars. I want to sue the federal government, the State of Florida and several judges that adjudicated me guilty. I want to sue them for millions of dollars. We’ll both get rich, if I win.

So for the next six minutes, I patiently listened to David’s well-rehearsed tale.

David paused, took a breath, then started to quiz me as if he were a law professor. “You heard of such-and-such a case, haven’t you?”

But I had not forgotten that this alta cocker woke me up from my deep sleep; it was time to turn the tables.

So my curiosity asked, “Mr. Jutkowitz, how did you get my name and my Florida telephone number?”

“I read your blogs in the Times of Israel. They’re quite entertaining.”

“Well David, you just made my day, my week and maybe my month. Thanks but I gotta tell you the bad news, I’m retired. But not all is lost, there’s some good news. G-d willing, I’ll keep writing my blogs.

David voiced saddened, “Good-bye, Mr. Laitner.”

“Good-bye David and good luck in Cali.”

Then it hit me, like being sideswiped by a silver Aston Martin DB5 Coupe:

Did Richard Sorge, the reporter/spy for a number of German periodicals feel as good as I just did when one of his readers in Japan complimented his stories in the German press?

Will Owen Matthews get the same buzz I just got from David’s call, when he reads my review?

Who knows?

But let me tell you this, that every time I nap with my iPhone resting on my pillow, I now anxiously wait and hope for my phone to ring.

The United States Capitol Building

Washington D.C.

January 3, 2023

Standing before a gaggle of journalists, Congressman George Santos gave the following speech:

Good afternoon. Thanks for being here. This afternoon at 12:00 pm, I raised my right hand and swore to G-d that I will faithfully discharge my duties as a US congressman.

So as my first official act as a US Congressman, I have prepared my mea culpa.

I acknowledge that I have made false and misleading claims through my own fault. Therefore, I beat my breast.

I acknowledge that I made a number of very bad mistakes through my own fault. Therefore, I beat my breast.

So today, I confess all of my political sins and before all of you, I beat my breast.

For I know the American people are the most loving and forgiving people on earth.

And I beg G-d, my Catholic Church and the American people to open their hearts and forgive me for my sins as I beg for a second chance.

G-d knows that we are all sinners.

Most of you know that my name “Santos” translates in English to “saints.” And I know that I have not been  a saint in my quest for political office. But today, I turn away from the Devil’s fingers and move toward the hands of the Almighty.

And as a sinner, I needed counsel. So I met with a priest, a minister, a rabbi, and an imam to learn about repentance and contrition.  I also opened my Bible, the one autographed by President Trump and I studied the Lord’s word.

And through my studies, I learned that saying, “sorry” wasn’t enough.

I had to make a decision to turn away from where I was headed and move back toward G-d. In Hebrew that decision-making process is called, “teshuvah.”

So in my attempt to do teshuvah, I am taking the following steps:

1. From this day forward, I promise to stop lying;
2. I promise to stop lying about my dearly departed mother and the rest of my family;
3. I promise to amend all my government documents which contain falsehoods;
4. Since I lied about graduating from Baruch College, I promise to climb all the steps to the top of the Baruch’s Lawerence Building on my knees. Further, I shall volunteer to teach ethics in the Zicklin School of Business;
5. I promise to donate my entire collection of fraudulent campaign materials and paraphernalia to The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library located at Mar-a-Lago. These materials shall be housed in the “Embellishment Room”, which is located right next the “Locker Room Banter” area. My collection shall serve students of American history by teaching them how not to follow in my abhorrent footsteps;
6. I promise to donate all of my congressional salary to the Republican party or to pay for my legal expenses;
7. As an act of atonement, I promise to give tzedakah every time I see a pushka (coin box);
8. Since I lied about working at Goldman Sacks and Citigroup, I promise to work “for free” at either financial institution the next time their employees are caught mishandling or misappropriating client funds. In addition, I will offer both companies a course on how to catch dishonest employees in the workplace;
9. For having offended America’s Jewish community by claiming that my family fled the Shoah, I promise to visit the Holocaust Museum in DC at least once a week for the next year, to sweep its floors and hand out educational materials;
10. I promise to conduct congressional hearings to examine the goals and behavior of  Kanye West, Nick Fuentes and their neo-Nazi brethren;
11. I promise that once a week, I will read Torah and study the Talmud;
12. I promise never to use the term Jew-ish again;
13. I promise that once a week, I will order from a kosher deli, an assortment of bagels, nova, cream cheese for my congressional staff luncheon;
14. I promise to learn  a bissel Yiddish so I can better communicate with my older Jewish constituents;
15. Every Hanukkah, I promise to light a Hanukkiah in my congressional office;
16. I promise to rewatch “Fiddler” for the 10th time;
17. For claiming, “I am a proud American Jew” I promise to wear a kippah and tzitzit for my first two years in Congress;
18. For claiming I made many visits to the Holy Land, I promise at the end of my term to move to Israel, make aliyah, join the IDF and fight in Israel’s next war;
19. I promise to lead a Republican Congressional delegation to Israel and to take them on tours of Yad Vashem, Masada, the Dead Sea, the Sea of Galilee, Jerusalem and Tel Aviv;
20. When I’m in Israel, I promise to lay tefillin at the Western Wall;
21. I promise to fully cooperate with law enforcement in their investigations of my past crimes. I will attend depositions voluntarily. I will not invoke my 5th Amendment privilege. I shall name names and give testimony of those who helped me become a deceitful criminal;
22. I promise not to take tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from a Russian businessman with Kremlin ties. And at the same time criticize President Biden’s support for Ukraine’s self-defense against Russia’s invasion;
23. With my newfound knowledge of Tikkun Olam, I promise to try to repair and heal the world;
24. I promise to never again emulate the actions or the behavior of the 45th President of the United States.

In conclusion, I know my journey will not be easy. I know it will be very tough. I know that there will be many bumps on my road to redemption. I know that the Devil will hide behind my every corner looking to jump on my back. But I want to get on my knees and thank G-d and all those religious leaders who taught me the way and the Good Book for clearing my path to redemption. I know that the American experience is all about giving people a second chance and I’m begging you for that second chance. Thank you for listening to my mea culpa. Thanks for giving me my second chance. And if you have any questions please feel free to ask them now.