George Santos you have pissed me off.

And when I get pissed off, I get even.

Just ask the people I’ve worked with at Yeshiva University (YU).

So after I read that you posted jokes about Adolf Hitler killing Jews and Blacks on FaceBook, your name rang a bell.

I remembered last year’s list of applicants for the position of YU’s President and CEO.

Yup, I recalled your name.

So I scoured our filing cabinets and located your resume buried deep inside our “Rejected— Applicants File is BS”

So George, here’s your curriculum vitae:

Resume of George Santos

Professional Summary:

Based upon my skills, knowledge, experience and training in fiscal and Jewish affairs, I know that I am the most qualified candidate to be the next President and CEO of Yeshiva University.

Work History:

Fashion model and mohel for the town of Anatevka

Stand in and stuntman for Paul Newman during the shooting of “Exodus”

Journalist for Brazilian media conglomerate Globo

Wall Street financier and investor for Citigroup and Goldman Sacks

While at GS, I convinced Goldman and Sacks to merge.

Trump University—Adjunct professor of Ethics and Fraud Avoidance

Education:

Baruch College—Bachelor’s Degree in Finance and Economics

Graduated in top percentile of my class with a 3.89 GPA

New York University—Master’s of Business Administration

Scored 710 on the GMAT

Academic Publications:

“Balfour Agreement—Why Is This Agreement Important?” Oxford Press (2011)

“Zionism: Good or Bad?” HarperCollins Publishers LLC (2021)

Uncredited editor and ghost writer:

“Der Judenstaat” by Theodor Herzl— I also convinced Herzl not to convert and that the Jewish state should be located in the Middle East and not in Africa

“The Declaration of Independence of the State of Israel” David Ben-Gurion and others, where I also convinced Ben-Gurion to wear a simple white, short sleeve shirt instead of a suit and tie when he made the declaration to give him a more masculine appearance

“The Diary of Anne Frank”

I coined the term: “Never Again”

Conferences:

Speaker and attendee at Sixth Zionist Conference in Basil, Switzerland, I told Theodore, “Please pose for a photo standing on the Hotel Les Trois Rois’  balcony, clasping your hands and looking like you’re contemplating the future of the Jewish people.”

Skills: Gasconader, shnorrer, professional smiler and withstander of large quantities of ridicule from people snickering behind my back

Honors and Activities:

The Einstein Award presented by Princeton University for being so smart and clever as to never getting caught telling an untruth

The Ner-Talmud (Eternal Light) Metal with Oak Clusters for being the best Jewish Boy Scout in American history

The Gonif Award presented by the Brazilian Check Writers Association

Holder of the Mendacity Chair at Hebrew University

The Bondit Award for Beating the System given by the people of New York’s 3rd Congressional District

The Shtick of Drek Award for outlandish behavior granted by the Trump Organization

The Groisser Gornicht Medal from the Brazilian Drag Queen Society

The Nishgudnik Trophy from the US Department of Justice

Founding  member of the Technion’s, Ruth and Bruce Rappaport Faculty of Medicine—specializing in the psychology of habitual liars

President and cofounder of Creating a Judenfrie Republican House and Senate

References provided upon request.

George, now we are even.

On January 9, 2023, I scrolled down FaceBook and read the following headline:

“House Republicans Voted Against Fighting Nazis in the U.S. Military and in Law Enforcement.”

I snapped my head back and shrieked, “What the f___! I don’t remember reading about that in the Jerusalem Post or in the Times of Israel. I’ve got to do a Google search.”

So I did.

And it was true.

And to my shock, there was no article in the Times of Israel or the Jerusalem Post.

But I read three articles on the subject, one in Newsweek, one in the Washington Informer and one in Vice.com.

Here’s part of Jamia Bey’s Washington Informer post:

Dateline: July 14, 2022

“As part of the annual defense spending bill, the House approved an amendment requiring government officials to report instances of white supremacy and neo-Nazi activity in uniformed services and federal law enforcement. The amendment was approved in a party-line 218-208 vote. (Emphasis added)

The measure calls for the FBI director, secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the secretary of Defense to publish a report detailing white supremacist and neo-Nazi activity within their ranks. The report must disclose the number of people who were discharged from uniformed services or law enforcement because of situations involving white supremacy and neo-Nazi activity. They’re also required to present ways to combat such ideologies.”

Of course, I read reports on how white supremacists were infiltrating and making inroads into the US military by recruiting new members;

Of course, some members of the Army failed to respond to these red flags;

Of course, I remembered how slowly the Army reacted on January 6th;

Of course, those neo-Nazis, Proud Boys and White nationalists wanted to murder democracy, to burn the Bill of Rights and take away my freedom;

Of course, those neo-Nazis American soldiers wanted to make our country a military dictatorship.

But what surprised me the most about what I read, was that not one Republican member of the House voted to keep fascists out of our military.

Not one.

“That’s appalling, disconcerting and downright repugnant,” I yelled.

And then I scratched my head and asked, “What would Émile Zola do?

To properly answer my question, I needed to refresh my memory and do some research. So, I read  Zola’s open letter “J’Accuse…!”

And I learned, that it was published on January 13, 1898, in response to the Dreyfus affair. Zola accused the French military of anti-Semitism and the unlawful jailing of Alfred Dreyfus, a French Army General Staff officer, who was sentenced for life to Devil’s Island, for the crime of espionage. Zola pointed out judicial errors and lack of  evidence. Dreyfus was eventually exonerated. He returned to France, rejoined the army and received honors.

I remembered watching Paul Muni play Zola in “The Life of Emile Zola” (1937).Who can forget the scene where Dreyfus is striped of his rank and his sword snapped into two pieces.

I also recalled the effect the Dreyfus affair had on Theodor Herzl. (The birth of Zionism).

With my memory refreshed, here are my thoughts on what Émile Zola would have written about Republican members in the House voting against preventing neo-Nazis from making inroads in the US military:

J’accuse House Republicans of not giving a crap about democracy in America;

J’accuse some filthy rich, neo-Nazi lover of having infiltrated the minds and wallets of all Republicans in the House of Representative;

J’accuse House Republicans of protecting neo-Nazis in our military;

J’accuse House Republicans of enabling fascism to take hold in America;

J’accuse House Republicans of failing to protect Jews, Blacks and other minorities from the rising wave of hatred cresting in the States;

J’accuse House Republicans of telling future insurrectionists, “We’re in your corner. Have no fear, we’ve filled the ranks of our military forces with your buddies. Next time, they’ll march, with their weapons, up the steps of the Capitol Building by your side.”;

J’accuse House Republicans of giving aid and comfort to the enemies of the greatest nation in the world;

J’accuse and declare that every single House Republican who voted for Nazism to be a national security threat and that they be probed and held accountable for their treason.

On January 6, 2021, I spent my day sitting on the edge my seat, in front of my TV, watching an insurrection. I sat in horror. And I prayed, “G-d, please don’t allow our clown to declare martial law.”

I prayed even though I knew that our bozo didn’t have the guts or the testicular fortitude to pull the trigger. He had never been a triggerman nor possessed a trigger finger. But he was a good watchman, who hid in plain sight in a house painted white. Who stood in pain as bone spurs ate his spine. Who bravely sat in front of a wall of TVs, surrounded by bodyguards, who carried loaded Uzis with their safeties on off .

But he was never an I’m-all-in-kinda-of-a-guy when it came to risking his life. Clowns never put their lives on the line. They never walk the high wire. He was the kinda guy who sat in the car and watched as others died, while he pretended that he wanted to be part of the action.

He never lead a charge up any Hill. He never marched for civil rights or against the war. He did not have bone spurs for it. He feared the acrid taste of tear gas or the sounds of billy clubs thudding on his skull.

But if spectators were awarded Purple Hearts, he’d possess more than one. Ya, he’d take risks but not when it came to his life. Ya, he knew how to gamble with other people’s money and other people’s lives. But he’d never risked his life for any cause not even for money.

He said,, “Only my followers are that stupid.” And yes, many of his stupid followers didn’t avoid: the draft, or the billy clubs, or the tear gas, or imprisonment or death. And yes, now the clown fears retribution from those followers. And yes, today I thank G-d for answering my prayer and the clown for not having the guts to pull the trigger.