“Hazel”

Everyone has memories that were so mind boggling that they will never forget.  Other than family events, I have five:  Hurricane Hazel in 1954, President Kennedy’s assassination in 1963, The collision of the two 747’s in 1977, The Challenger explosion in 1986, and The attack on the Twin Towers in 2001.  There are other significant events that I remember, but these never fade.

But the one I wanted to talk about with you is Hurricane Hazel.  To joggle your memory, we lived on a rented farm in rural NC.  Our house was ventage 20’s or 30’s built on pillars, with 4 rooms.  We did not have running water and our restroom was an outhouse.  Our only electricity was a twisted cord hanging from the ceiling with a pull-socket attached to the end.  There was usually a 100-watt light bulb screwed into the socket that was the source of light for the room.  My mom cooked on a propane stove.  Our water source was a pump in the kitchen.  Needless to say, we lived a simple life.

I remember our house was surrounded by five or six Chinaberry trees.  They were huge and offered an abundance amount of shade around our house—the only drawback was in late summer; the ground would be covered with Chinaberries.  We always went without shoes in the summer and the balls would squish between our toes.  This felt kind of weird and the odor from them was horrible.

Across the street was a dairy run by Neil MacDonald.  His dad owned the home and Neil’s younger brother still lived there named Hugh.  Their home was surrounded by tall pine trees.  Hugh had just bought a new 54 light blue Ford.  He was so proud of that car—most cars back then were black.

It was a Friday morning like any other Friday.  We got up, had breakfast, and went outside to wait for the bus.  It was a beautiful fall day with unusually high temperatures forecasted to be almost 90 F.—hot for a fall day!  The bus came and we boarded saying hello to our friends before settling in for the 30-minute ride to school. 

Back then, the blacks had their own schools and buses—we would pass each other on the narrow dirt road and our driver always deployed the stop sign on the left side of our bus and the black driver would do the same, creating a loud “bam-a-lam” as we passed.  We could see the black students and they could see us.  Every time we passed, we exchanged a gesture that I had no idea why until I shared it in class and got in trouble.  I later learned that it was the call “Flipping the Bird”, and it was ugly!

We arrived and went to our classes.  I was in the second grade.  Things were going as they usually did until about 11 am.  Our teacher was called into the hallway by someone and then she returned with a frightened look on her face and informed us that we all needed to pack up and hurry to our buses.  We were being sent home!

The halls were abuzz with chatter about being sent home.  I heard the word “Hurricane”, but it meant nothing to me.  Back then there was no TV for us, no weather channel, and no radar to warn us of storms coming.  However, the new word did not sound pleasing, and we knew it was bad if they were sending us home.

At that age, I could take a fear of the unknown and turn it into a monster.  We attended church every Sunday and based on what I had learned, I assumed the worst and thought that we were experiencing an apocalypse.

In my fear, I got on the wrong bus thinking it could get me home faster than mine.  Where that rationale came from, I can’t explain except that I wanted to get home to my parents and the safety of my home as soon as I could.  Soon I was the last one on the bus and I started crying.  The driver asked me where I lived, and he was kind enough to take me home.  The catastrophe (I didn’t know it was a storm) had not yet hit, and both he and I got home safely.

When I went inside, my dad was already home from work, and he and my mom were talking about the “herrikin” as they pronounced it.  I asked, “Dad, what is a herrikin?”  He proceeded to explain, a herrikin is a huge storm with lots of wind and rain.  It has an eye in the middle and when it arrives, the sun comes out and it is calm until the eye passes, then the storm resumes.  He explained that the winds changed direction after the eye passed.  I have already mentioned that I had a vivid imagination and that was just enough to send my mind in a frenzy! 

I already knew that anything with one eye had to be a monster!  And with the wind blowing in one direction before the eye, and then the opposite direction after the eye with it being calm while in the eye had to be the work of the devil!  I was frightened at what was coming, but I kept it inside.  I wasn’t sure if this was the end of the world or not.

It wasn’t long before the sun was covered by black clouds and the rain began to pour.  The winds slowly built into a whistling song as it whipped around and under our house.  We all sat at the kitchen table not saying much and waiting for something bad to happen.  After an eternity, the howling winds died down and blue skies appeared.  I thought we had survived the onslaught of the wind and the rain, but my dad reminded me that we were in the eye.  I had figured out that the storm was just that and not a monster which relieved my fear a little.  I still did not know what to expect.

In less than an hour, the clouds rolled in again, bringing stronger winds and heavier rain.  The stronger winds were accompanied by gusts up to 110 mph.  Our house would shudder with each gust and I would think that out house was going to be lifted from it pillars and blown into the sky like I had seen at the movies.  It seemed like the rain was falling in buckets. 

Then suddenly, the Chinaberry trees started to topple one by one.  They have a shallow root system and the saturated ground could no longer hold the trees in place against the wind.  They looked like dominoes falling one after the other.  Luckily none hit our home, but the last one fell across our power lines from the street and plunged us into darkness inside our home.  My mom broke out the Hurricane Kerosene lamps so that we could see. 

By then, it was getting dark, and the storm passed.  It was eerily quiet and there was no movement or lights to be seen from our windows.  We could not do much in the dark, so we went to bed.

Saturday morning brought the sun and blue skies.  We ventured out to see what damage there was and we found it.  Debris and trees lined the yard around our house.  Mom told us not to go near the downed power lines.  Amazingly, there was not any damage to our house, our barn was intact, and even our outhouse was not harmed. 

Unfortunately, the brand-new blue ford that I mentioned earlier was t-boned from a pine tree that snapped during the high winds and fell across the car.  Other than that, we were all pretty lucky considering the strength of hurricane Hazel. 

We got our power back in about a week, but we hardly missed it.  No TV, no appliances, no phone, no electric water pump, and nothing else that needed electricity except a radio and lights.  We had our hurricane lamps and mom cooked on her propane stove, so we moved on usual.

However, other parts of North Carolina were not as fortunate as Hazel killed 19 people and injured more than 200 in North Carolina. It destroyed 15,000 homes and structures and caused an estimated $136 million in property losses in the state that would be worth $930 million today.

So Mort, I know you guys have a lot of hurricanes and a lot of damage here in Florida, but for one day in October, 1954, I was hypnotized by the worst hurricane to ever hit North Carolina!

Thanks Jim for your well-written memories. Mort

I’m proud to announce my son, Blake, ramps up his 420 “We Need Rent Money” Tour by hitting the road on May 24th and ending up in the sunny city of Sherman Oaks, California. Blake always wanted to see his film in LA. Now he gets his chance. I hope Spielberg is in the audience or at least Cheech and Chong.

Thanks to the Higher Path LA (They claim they offer the best weed and to be the best dispensary in Los Angeles) and The Green Room on Ventura which on Friday nights at 8:00 pm holds The Higher Path Movie Night for sponsoring Blake’s award-winning feature film. The Green Room says, “It’s is a place where you can step into a world where the allure of burlesque meets the magic of Jazz Cabbage!” Now that sounds pretty interesting. And the two joints (no pun intended) are next door to each other at 14082 and 14084 Ventura Blvd.

The 420 tour commenced in Portland, Oregon, thanks to Ascend Cannabis Recreational Dispensary and now moves on to the Golden Bear state.

I’ve got to give Blake mucho credit for his persistence in getting the Weed industry to partner with him in putting on events featuring his award-winning film “We Need Rent Money.” Now available for streaming on Prime Video, Tubi and boxbrazil.

Blake, in honor of your second stop on the 420 Tour, I recalled two famous California tunes.

The first is one hundred-years old. In 1924, Al Jolson sang California Here We Come on Broadway in a play called Bombo. Here’s are some of the lyrics:

… We’ve been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from

So Blake remember on May 24th, you’ll be on the run on Ventura Blvd.

You’ll be driving in the sun.

You’ll be looking out for number one.

And singing California Here I Come.

Congrats son.

The second California song is only 52 years old. It’s the hit song from 1972, sung by America called “Ventura Highway.“

Blake to help you sing “Ventura Highway” here are some of the lyrics:

Ventura highway in the sunshine
Where the days are longer
The nights are stronger
Than moonshine
You’re gonna go I know
‘Cause the free wind is blowing through
Your hair
And the days surround your daylight
There
Seasons crying no despair
Alligator lizards in the air

Damn it! Now I can’t get that tune out of my head.

Blake, I picture you singing this tune while your driving on Ventura Highway. Your hair is blowing in the wind, it’s a sunny afternoon, your hands on the wheel, and all the while you’re wondering, “What the hell are alligator lizards?”

Son, break a leg on Ventura Blvd.

And watch out for those pesky, damn flying alligator lizards. I hear those nasty creatures are a real pain in the ass.

Love, Dad

I recently received an email from the Quinnipiac Polling Company.

Here’s how it read:

Hi Mort, it’s Jack from Quinnipiac.

We’re conducting a survey of loyal Republican voters and true followers of the Christian faith.  We need your help. We’re trying to determine the reasons you and others like you support Donald J. Trump for the presidency.

We have been hired by the Republican party to do this survey for the purpose of swaying independent voters toward Donald Trump.

Your responses shall help President Trump win the 2024 election. This survey should not take more than a few minutes of your time. All questions are simple enough for Republicans to understand. If you have no opinion or do not understand the statement just leave the question blank. All of your answers shall be kept strictly confidential.

Thanks for your time and your valued opinions.

Signed: Jack and The Good Folks at Quinnipiac

The Reasons I Support Donald J. Trump

Please circle “Y” for Yes or “N” for no:

1. As a stable genius, President Trump has learned how to properly launder hush money to pay off porn stars—Y—–N
2. The only time Donald Trump ever touched a Gideon Bible was when he used it to spank motel whores on their bare bottoms—Y–N
3. Trump is so old that he thinks Taylor Swift is one of his wives—Y—N
4. Trump is so old he thinks the Gaza Strip is the name of one of his favorite strippers——-Y—N
5. Trump is so old that he thinks Jim Crow is a whiskey—Y—N
6. Trump is so old he thinks he invented the moral compass—Y—N
7. Donald Trump was born without a conscience, a moral compass and even one compassionate bone in his body. A fact he demonstrated when he ordered the separation of babies from their mothers and put the babies in cages.—Y—N
8. As a stable businessman, President Trump only hires and secures the services of  professional fixers, hookers and porn stars—Y—–N
9. Donald managed to Make America Great Again during the COVID crisis by peddling fake cures that killed people—Y—N
10. Which word best describes Donald J. Trump: TRAITOR, INSURRECTIONIST or SCUMBAG
11. As he promised, Donald Trump got Mexico to pay for our border wall, secured it and completed the project in his four years in office—Y—N
12. Cancer patients love Trump because he stole money from a cancer charity to use for his own benefit and a consequence of his horrid behavior he’s now forbidden from running a charity in New York State—Y—N
13. Trump’s a political genius for admitting that he wants to be dictator-for-a-day; that he is going to abolish the IRS, the FBI, the Justice Department and the CIA—Y—N
14. I want my children to emulate Trump’s extraordinary sexual, moral and ethical behavior—Y–N
15.  As a family man, Trump holds an expertise on marrying and divorcing women and having children with each of them—Y—N
16. Trump holds the trifecta of cheating on his wives, making love to porn stars and watching hookers pee on  Russian beds—Y—N
17. Trump would follow the Gospel if he knew what it was—Y—N
18. Trump understands that women want their reproductive rights taken away from them by old white males—Y—N
19. Historians have determined that Donald J. Trump was the worst president in US history——-Y—N
20. Trump excels in barging into dressing rooms in a major department store, raping a young woman and then denying that it ever happened and claiming he never met her—Y—N
21. The Donald is qualified to manipulate that murderer and Russian dictator Vladimir Putin by giving him Ukraine, destroying NATO and selling him top-secret documents—Y—N
22. Trump excels in stealing, storing, hiding and selling classified documents—Y—N
23. Trump has set a new standard in hiring competent, trustworthy, non-corrupt cabinet members—Y—N
24. The Donald knows that he’s smarter than all U.S. generals put together because he watched Platoon twice—Y—N
25. Trump thinks before he speaks and he knows to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom—Y—N
26. Donald knows how to pick sexy women for his wives and how to sneak them into the country—Y—N
27. Donald grabs women by their p**** and then loves bragging about it—Y—N
28. Donald is young, never lies and never forgets anything which includes how to put on his diapers—Y—N
29. Donald gave a trillion dollar tax break to the wealthy and thought it didn’t affect inflation—Y—N
30. Donald knows how to avoid paying his taxes so all of us have to pay his share—Y—N
31. Donald is a great businessman, with a vast knowledge of the bankruptcy code and how to perform valuations on real estate—Y—N
32. Donald loves naming things after himself and sticking his name on all sorts of crap. He’s like a dog using urine to mark its territory—Y—N
33. Donald Trump balanced the U.S. budget and he will do it again—Y—N
34. Donald’s not a liar, nor a bullshitter, nor a perjurer, nor a conman, nor a traitor, nor an insurrectionist. Just ask him—Y—N
35. Trump hung out and partied with America’s most notorious child molesters (Jeffery Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell) and bragged to the world, “Jeffrey is attracted to very young girls.” —Y—N
36. According his medical doctors, Donald’s only physical defects are his lack of cognitive skills, lack of guts and possessing too many bone spurs—Y—N
37. For some unknown reason, all Klan members and all Neo-Nazis love Donald Trump  —-Y—N
38. Donald will consider protecting NATO, Ukraine and Israel if he is paid the proper amount of compensation—Y—N
39. Donald Trump promises to consider not taking away a women’s or a Black’s right to vote without asking White southerners for their approval—Y—-N
40. Donald knows how to kill democracies and his past performance should not be held against him—Y—N
41. Donald seems to know that there is a document called the Bill of Right—Y—N
42. Donald Trump believes in freedom of religion as long as that religion is Christianity——Y—N
43. Donald Trump may have read Genesis; he may have written Mein Kampf ––Y—N
44. Donald Trump has never, knowingly, committed a sin nor sprayed the bathroom after producing his best work—Y—N
45. Donald Trump may have read the preamble to the Constitution—Y—N
46. Donald Trump knows how to select the absolute best, most expensive lawyers in America and have the Republican party pay their fees—Y—N
47. Donald Trump claims he knows how to tell when an election has been rigged and stolen—Y—N
48. Trump knows how to  hold up military aid to Ukraine and Israel in their time of need—–Y—N
49. Trump is a mug shot expert —Y—N
50. Trump, like all Mafia bosses, knows how to stiff employees and his lawyers—Y—N
51. The Donald thinks he’s smarter than the sheep that voted for him—Y—N
52. Trump goal in life is to violate all Ten Commandments and then brag about doing it——-Y—N
53. Donald is a flaming narcissist and a burnt out old man—-Y—N
54. Donald has a long history of committing frauds on numerous banks—Y—N
55. Donald knows how to break bread with neo-Nazis (Nick Feuntes), white supremacists and anti-Semites (Kanye West) that he invited into his home at Mar-a-Lago—Y—N
56. Donald loves ridiculing and mimicking the disabled—Y—N
57. Donald has figured out how to tell the difference between good and bad racists—Y—N
58. Donald doesn’t respect American prisoners of war (John McCain) nor the service men and women in the US Army, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, Coast Guard. He thinks they’re all a bunch of suckers—Y—N
59. Donald promises everything, delivers nothing and blames someone else—Y—N
60. Donald believes he’s securing the Black vote by selling them $400 gold sneakers with his initials on them—Y—N
61.  Donald Trump knows how to read and analyze what he has read—Y—N
62. Hispanics love Donald because he knows how to throw rolls of paper towels to them after a hurricane destroys their island
63. Blacks and Hispanics from El Salvador, Haiti and other African countries love it when Trump calls their countries “Shithole nations“—Y—N
64. Without even breaking a sweat, the Donald has the ability to destroy America,  make it a third-rate banana republic and make himself the richest man in the world—Y—N
65. Donald Trump has figured out on his own that if he threatens Americans with a civil war, they’ll vote for him—Y—N
66. Donald managed to Make America Great Again during the COVID crisis by peddling fake medical cures that killed people—Y—N
67. When it comes to pardoning criminals, Trump clearly understands how important pardons are——-Y—N
68. Donald Trump is a time-management expert. He can be embroiled in four criminal trials, three civil trials and still run for president all while playing 18 holes of golf ——Y—N
69. During the COVID crisis, Donald managed to kill more Americans than all the US soldiers who have died fighting for this great country—Y—N

Thanks for completing this survey.

Signed: Jack and The Good Folks at Quinnipiac

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