As the president of one of America’s largest writers organizations, I have often been asked, “Mort, do writers make better lovers?”

I respond with a hearty, “How-the-hell-would-I-know.”

But now, through years of diligent research, I have determined that most writers are better equipped to handle the complexities of coitus than plumbers, doctors or Indian chiefs.

“Why?” you may ask.

Well, writers are complex beings, with complex egos.

They possess many attributes like:

1. They’re adventurous bed partners. And as we all know, what happens under the covers is always one hell of an adventure.
2. They’re creative. But did you know that creativity greases the road to pleasure. While repetitiveness leads to monotony and monotony leads to snoring and snoring leads to frustration. You get the point.
3. They’re great communicators or at least some are. Authors are not afraid to say what’s on their mind. And when it comes to sex, that’s quite important. Good verbal banter often leads to heated foreplay.
4. They’re passionate. And passion leads to multiple “I love you(s).” And those three small words help achieve multiple you know what(s). Don’t forget that passion also leads to many more love letters, love notes, poems and Hallmark Valentines Day cards.
5. Most writers love their partners unconditionally. This is a great attribute because nobody wants to hear, “Honey, your doing it wrong,” while they’re in the heat of passion. An author may write about your flaws and imperfections but he/she won’t bring them up while your under the sheets.
6. Most writers are sexy and know how to walk the walk and talk the talk. Well, at least the ones that write romance novels or scripts for X-rated films.
7. Most authors are romantics, especially the poets and the song writers. They obsess on the word “love.”

So if you want to be more proficient in bedroom, join us on the first Saturday of every month, in the Pinecrest Library’s Conference Room at 10:30.

Become the writer/lover you always wanted to be.

You won’t regret it.

Disclaimer

The skill or talent of a writer doesn’t inherently correlate with their abilities in bed. Writing is a creative pursuit that requires a different set of skills and attributes than those involved in intimate relationships. While some writers may possess qualities such as empathy, sensitivity, and imagination that could potentially enhance their interpersonal relationships, it ultimately depends on the individual and their personal qualities, experiences, and efforts in cultivating healthy and fulfilling relationships. So, being a good writer doesn’t necessarily translate to being good or bad in bed; it’s more about the individual’s attitudes, communication skills, and willingness to connect with their partner.—Chat GPT

Thumbs up:

Marilyn;

Sue;

Richard;

Max;

Cary;

Peter;

Judy;

Neil;

Haven’t fallen for any authors, sorry.—Sylvia;

Maggi;

Ken;

12. Howard;

Joanne;

Michelle;

Bella;

Patrick;

Shana;

18. Jeffrey;

Ritch;

Irving;

Jean—Definitely;

Andy;

Avril;

Laurie

25. Joan;

Neil;

Deborah;

South Florida Writers Connection;

Like the disclaimer.—Perry;

30. Dot;

As the president of one of America’s largest writers organizations, I have often been asked, “Mort, do writers make better lovers?”

I respond with a hearty, “How-the-hell-would-I-know.”

But now, through years of diligent research, I have determined that most writers are better equipped to handle the complexities of coitus than plumbers, doctors or Indian chiefs.

“Why?” you may ask.

Well, writers are complex beings, with complex egos.

They possess many attributes like:

1. They’re adventurous bed partners. And as we all know, what happens under the covers is always one hell of an adventure.
2. They’re creative. But did you know that creativity greases the road to pleasure. While repetitiveness leads to monotony and monotony leads to snoring and snoring leads to frustration. You get the point.
3. They’re great communicators or at least some are. Authors are not afraid to say what’s on their mind. And when it comes to sex, that’s quite important. Good verbal banter often leads to heated foreplay.
4. They’re passionate. And passion leads to multiple “I love you(s).” And those three small words help achieve multiple you know what(s). Don’t forget that passion also leads to many more love letters, love notes, poems and Hallmark Valentines Day cards.
5. Most writers love their partners unconditionally. This is a great attribute because nobody wants to hear, “Honey, your doing it wrong,” while they’re in the heat of passion. An author may write about your flaws and imperfections but he/she won’t bring them up while your under the sheets.
6. Most writers are sexy and know how to walk the walk and talk the talk. Well, at least the ones that write romance novels or scripts for X-rated films.
7. Most authors are romantics, especially the poets and the song writers. They obsess on the word “love.”

So if you want to be more proficient in bedroom, join us on the first Saturday of every month, in the Pinecrest Library’s Conference Room at 10:30.

Become the writer/lover you always wanted to be.

You won’t regret it.

Disclaimer

The skill or talent of a writer doesn’t inherently correlate with their abilities in bed. Writing is a creative pursuit that requires a different set of skills and attributes than those involved in intimate relationships. While some writers may possess qualities such as empathy, sensitivity, and imagination that could potentially enhance their interpersonal relationships, it ultimately depends on the individual and their personal qualities, experiences, and efforts in cultivating healthy and fulfilling relationships. So, being a good writer doesn’t necessarily translate to being good or bad in bed; it’s more about the individual’s attitudes, communication skills, and willingness to connect with their partner.—Chat GPT

Good morning writers.

Welcome to South Florida’s Writer Association’s Mango Writers Conference (A Maggie Eubanks Production). I’m Mort Laitner, president of SFWA. I’m proud to say this year marks our 35th anniversary and our 14th Mango Conference.

We hope you’ll enjoy your day with our esteemed speakers, guests and members.

Jeffery Dorn, our Director of Contests, advised me that at this year’s conference, we have an extraordinary raffle prize. It’s a piece of writing history. A piece of the Beat Generation. It’s a Jack Kerouac’s bathrobe. 

Jeffrey donated the bathrobe to us and said, “Years ago, I worked with a gentleman at Xerox who was named Kerouac. He said Jack was his uncle. I told him how much I liked his uncle’s books, On The Road and the Dharma Bums. He told me the family had given much of Jack’s iconic clothing to Christie’s for an auction, but kept some articles for sentimental reasons. Christie’s didn’t want this bathrobe, and I don’t have a letter or certificate giving it’s provenance, just his word. He was leaving the country and said, “I could have it as a friend. Perhaps it will inspire you when you write,” he suggested. I wore it when I wrote my book, so who knows. Now it’s time for it to find a new writer to inspire. Maybe the story isn’t true, but maybe it is, who knows?”

Jack Kerouac was a novelist, a poet and a pioneer of the Beat Generation. Jack’s bathrobe belongs in a museum. And you now have a chance to own it, if you buy a raffle ticket.

I first read Kerouac’s “On the Road”(1957) way back in 1969 as a junior at the University of Miami. Here’s a quote from Jack’s book:

…and I shambled after as usual as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

We writers are people of interest, mad to write, to live and to talk.

So make Jack proud today. Get on the road. Hang out with some people that interest you. Buy a raffle ticket, burn like a roman candle, pop and make everybody go “Awww.!

Have a great day. 

Thanks for attending. 

Have fun.

PS—I now own Kerouac’s bathrobe. I won it at the raffle. When my numbers matched the ticket pulled out of the bowl, my heart burned like a roman candle, popped and said, “Awww.”