Always fun to open an email and learn one of your stories has been accepted in a short- story collection.
Here is part of the acceptance letter and three critiques of “The Hanukkah Bunny” for your reading pleasure. Please read the critiques carefully. They are supposedly written by three different people. See if you can find an irregularity. I’ll tell it to you at the end of this blog. Here is a clue. Study critiques one and two.
“Your story is well written (as I would expect) and scored as a finalist. I would like to published it in the Tales2Inspire Garnet Collection, (Stories of feathers and fur). My only concern is that I find it more humorous than inspiring. One thing that might help is eliminating those humorous asides as:
“Okay, I hear you. Sorry for the diversion.”
and You may ask, in front of: ”What demon possessed this rabbit?”
Not sure what else to suggest to sharpen the inspirational value of this story, but I hope you can think of another sentence or two to add that might help.”
Lois
Critiques THE HANNUKAH BUNNY
Critique 1
The Hannukah bunny was enjoyable for two reasons; it showed the writers history with the rabbits growing up in his home town. It also tells the story of one particular bunny that came intrigued by the Hannukah lights the narrator put out in Florida. The story discusses the fact that rabbits were not a popular sight in Florida, so to have this one bunny become attracted to the lights on the lawn, and come back to see it every night for a month
demonstrates how the narrator was inspired by the rabbit’s activities. The Jewish History of the Menorah being lit for 8 days when there was only oil for one demonstrates the miracle celebrated by the Menorah. While the story is well written and illustrated by the scenes described by the narrator, I personally did not feel exceptionally inspired by the story, rather I found it to be interesting and educational. Until the author describes the rabbit’s behavior at the end of the story I thought it was a story about the rabbits migration habits. It did all pull together in the end, however.
Critique 2
Enjoyable string of rabbit recollections. Funny. Demonstrates how the narrator was inspired by the rabbit’s activities. The Jewish History of the Menorah being lit for 8 days when there was only oil for one demonstrates the miracle celebrated by the Menorah. While the story is well written and illustrated by the scenes described by the narrator, I personally did not feel exceptionally inspired by the story, rather I found it to be interesting and educational. Until the author describes the rabbit’s behavior at the end of the story I thought it was a story about the rabbits migration habits. It did all pull together in the end, however.
Critique 3
Did you mean “religious awakening” where you wrote “religious awaking”?
Two minor grammatical errors. At “string bean. I” and “furry-little”
Enjoyable string of rabbit recollections. Funny. Overall, very good story.
Think hard on how to add a bit more inspiration to your story, something that touched your heart in a way that will touch the hearts of your readers and do get back to me with your final masterpiece.
Did you find it? In the fourth sentence of both critiques the authors wrote identical sentences. What are the odds? Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
I thank the critics for their opinions and corrections.
