“I Dream of Jeannie” by Mort Laitner

Well, we are dancing in the Barbara B. Mann Performing Arts Hall at the Fort Myers Film Festival Gala. Strobe lights flash, disco balls glitter, music bounces off the walls and the wealthy shake their booties to KC and the Sunshine Band. Women hold their champagne flutes and the room smells of money. 

We have already walked down the red carpet and had our pictures taken by the paparazzi. I am tuxed-out; Shelley is dressed to the nines in a blue gown. We are attending the ON STAGE after party. The acidic burn of two screwdrivers reaches my throat as this mixture of orange juice and Grey Goose sloshes in my gut, I am getting into this party, when lawyer, reporter and author Tom Hall greets me and says, “Mort, even you look good in a tuxedo.”

“A tuxedo makes any man look good,” I reply while laughing-out-loud.

As Shelley and I dance, I observe the crowd with microscopic lenses. 

A hippie-looking plastic surgeon, with grey scare-crow hair, which hangs down to nipple level convenes with his scalpel adoring fans.  

Two lovers in their 50’s, kiss on the lips as if they were astronaut Tony Nelson and the genie. They snuggle on the dance floor, as if teenagers at the prom, rubbing their bodies to capture the crowd’s attention. They could be featured in a magazine advertisement for tuxedos. She is slender with a dress that exposes most of her back. He thin with a movie-star face topped with curly white hair. Their physical attraction screams, “We’re too hot (hot damn).” They want the world to know that they have found sexual bliss.

Ohmigod!

Walking into the ballroom is Barbara Eden of I Dream of Jeannie TV fame. (Series ran from 1965–1970). I wondered if this festival merited a celebrity. The beginning notes and words of Jeannie’s TV theme song play in my head—dat dat dada, dat da-dada, dat dada dat da-dada—“Jeannie fresh as a daisy. Just love how she obeys me.”

This shapely 5′ 4″ blonde with bangs is decked out in a short yellow dress allowing her beautiful legs to catch my eyes. Her sparkling smile is tooth-paste white. 

But she looks much too young to be the TV genie from the bottle—even with the magic of plastic surgery. She is a look-a-like that has faked me out. But she has succeeded in rekindling my youthful memories—of belly shirts, long sleeved jackets covered in sequins, sheer purple harem pants and that hat with the attached veil. 

I, like most red-blooded American men of the 60’s, craved that genie in the bottle. I hungered for her belly button. I prayed to possess that magic lamp. I knew my three wishes and all three required the presence of the genie.

I loved the way she blinked and made her master’s wishes happened. I savored her devotion to Tony and her constant desire to please him.

I try not to stare at her, as Uptown Funk played and I sang, ” ‘Cause uptown funk gon’ give it to you”.

Later that night, I watch the genie and her male companion exit the gala. I pictured her returning to the strange bottle and the stopper plugging it up. I knew I would never again see this Jeannie with the light blonde hair.

Two nights later, Shelley and I are watching a series of short films that have been designated “Hot Shorts” by the FMFF. I picture Barbara Eden in Daisy Dukes. 

“The Stairs” is one of seven in this section. Another film is entitled “Three Wishes”.

We sit in the Sidney and Berne Davis Art Center. This old post office building is a masterpiece of neoclassical revival architecture. Its massive limestone ionic columns, (Read Tom Hall’s article on the Art Center at artsswfl.com) makes you feel like you’re walking into a building on the Washington Mall. I am proud my film is being shown in this venue.

As the title to “Three Wishes” hits the silver screen, I see the genie of the gala on the screen. I laugh. She is a local actress and she sits near me in the audience. I picture the stopper being pulled out of the strange bottle, a puff of smoke and Jeannie appears.

I find out that actress, Marty Wisher, is the genie. After the Q&A, Marty comes up to me, shakes my hand and says, “I really enjoyed your movie. It was very powerful.” 

“Thanks for saying that. Well you make the perfect genie, I loved you in ‘Three Wishes’, I hope to see you in many more movies.”, I reply.

That night in a Fort Myers hotel, I slept well and I dreamed of Jeannie and my three wishes.

What the readers are saying:

That was great.. 5’4″ only? Loved her.—Dawn