“The Pump” Humor by Mort Laitner
Okay my reading fans, especially the ones that begged me to go back to that Chevron gas station. Ya you remember, the one right off the exit to I-75 and Griffin Road. Yup, the one that has a pump that improves your vocabulary. The one at taught me the word “obdurate”. The one that charges an extra twenty cents per gallon. The one that sells Sno Balls. The one with the smart TV.
Your emails requested that I go back to the same pump, insert my credit card and see what new word appeared on the TV screen encased in the pump.
Note to Author: No fan offered to pay the extra $2.00 per fill-up.
Well blog readers your request has been honored. My curiosity was as strong as yours.
As I pulled up to the pump. I thought, “Great no one else is using my pump.”
My hands shook as I inserted my card. I stared at the TV screen as words flashed on the screen. My eyes focused and I read:
“Good morning Mort. Great to see you back here at Chevron. I missed you. Did you miss me? Did you come back for a new vocabulary word? You seem a little nervous today. I loved that blog that you wrote about me. But I want you to do a rewrite. There is a glaring factual error in your story.
The Russians did not help me hack into your high school computer. I have enough AI to do that task all by my self. I don’t know why you are obsessing on the Russians. By the way your IQ score seems a little low, were you sick on the day they gave the test?
Don’t forget to buy some Sno Ball before you leave. Here is your word,
“Sophistry”
A subtle, tricky, superficially plausible, but generally fallacious method of reasoning.
See you next week.
As I drove out of the Chevron station, my mouthful of Sno Ball didn’t taste as sweet.
I frowned and thought, ” G-d damn smart-ass computers! I hope it doesn’t disclose my IQ score. Damn Fallsburgh Central High School don’t they know anything about encryption.
Damn if I don’t rewrite my blog that damn machine can disclose all kinds of stuff about me.
As I opened the door to my house and headed toward my desktop, I swore out loud,
“That G-d damn computer has got me by the cojones!”
Note to readers—I am not going back to that Chevron station!
What the readers are saying:
You always know how to put a smile on my face, Mort!—Lois
Love it. Too bad the honeymoon ended so soon.—+) Ricki
Love your stories! Keep them coming!—Richard
Love it…—Phyllis
Funny stuff, Mort— Louis
FUN STORY!!!!!—Marianne
Good one. —Barbara
