“It Was the Best of Times” A Mort Laitner Short Story

PublishedFebruary 23, 2019 Post authormortlaitner@bellsouth.net

I met Connie at the JCC’s coffee shop. As Leonard Cohen sang “Hallelujah” in the background, we hugged tightly, smiled broadly and sipped sweet coffee.

Connie is a proud American Zionist. She schmoozes in seven languages—sports, movies, politics, history, literature, Israel and Jewish humor. I can still remember how she jumped when Israel shot its first rocket into space. Her bagel flipped off her plate and landed on the floor.

“Connie, we are blessed!”

“A SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket heads to the moon carrying an Israeli spacecraft.”

“We live in an age of miracles, an epoch of incredulity. These are the best of times!”

“Mort, this morning, I already shared that article on Facebook. The spacecraft’s name is “Beresheet” which means ‘In the beginning…’ The first words in the Bible are ascending into the heavens.”

“Tiny Israel—not England, not France, not Germany, not Japan—could be the fourth country in the world to soft land a spacecraft on the moon. First there were the three super powers—the U.S.A, the Soviet Union and then China. It’s David verses a bunch of Goliaths. Who would have thought—a country born in 1948—landing a five foot high, 1,300 pound satellite on the moon. It’s unbelievable. Israel climbs onto the Space Race Olympics platform.”

“Netanyahu, and the whole SpaceIL team were up at 3:45 am Israeli time to cheer the Cape Canaveral launch.”

“When it lands, a whole nation is going to be moonstruck. A whole nation will howl at the Moon, ‘La Bella Luna!'”

“Connie, all I can say is wow! An Israeli lunar lander, bearing a Israeli flag, crawling around the surface of the moon. I wonder if the lander has a boom box on it, so it can play Hatikvah or Hava Nagila .”

Connie laughed.

“I got a great name for the lander.”

“I’ll bite. What is it?” Connie asked.

“The Holy Lander.”

“Cute. What else you got?

“You know when the lander rolls and wanders on the surface of the Moon, it will be a Holy Roller.”

“Mort, enough of your shtick. I thought you were going to say, ‘The Wandering Jew.'”

We both laughed.

“Do you think Israeli engineers placed good luck charms on the spacecraft?” I asked.

“They better have. They’ll need all the good luck they can get. A thousand things can go wrong. It’s almost a mission impossible.”

“A mezuzah or a Hamsa might keep the evil eye off of the mission. Maybe the two of us talking about it curses the mission. Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“Pooh, pooh, pooh that is the protection Beresheet needs from the evil eye. The Torah says, ‘People who are scrupulous in the performance of mitzvahs are blessed with good things.'”

“Will rabbis require the lunar lander to have a mezuzah nailed to its doorposts?” Connie asked.

“Sure, why not? Haven’t you touched a car mezuzah?” I answered.

“I wonder if a mini robot will exit the lander and plant an Israeli flag on the moon?”

“It is going to send back images of the rocky surface, so maybe we’ll see a selfie of your little robot.” Connie replied.

I laughed.

“Connie, I see you holding your JCC cup, I got an idea. Coffee mugs emblazoned with a picture of Beresheet with its four legs dug into the Sea of Tranquility and under the image the words, ‘In the beginning…'”

“Mort, I love the idea! Let’s print it on T-shirts.”

“Connie, these are the best of times.”

“Mort, remember we live in a Dickensian paradox. A pessimist would say, ‘We live in the worst of times—anti-Semitism on the rise, Charlottesville, Squirrel Hill, swastikas painted on grave stones, BDS, rock-throwing Palestine’s and Iranian threats.'”

“Connie, best of times or worst of times, I can’t wait until April 11 when Beresheet lands on the Moon.”

“On April 11, Israel becomes a nation of ‘lunatics.'”

“Mort, Israelis have been saying that for seven decades.”

“Connie, let’s watch the landing together. Mark it on your calendar. But this time, you won’t be holding a bagel when Beresheet lands.”

“It will be almost as exciting—as when we were kids and we watched—Shepard’s flight into space or when Glenn’s orbited the earth or when Armstrong stepped on the moon.”

“We’ll hold our breath, sing Hatikva, dance the Hora and say a prayer for the miracles in our lives.”

“Hallelujah!” Connie proclaimed.

What the readers are saying:

Always great stories!! Love you!!!—Marieanne

Cute story.—Jason

Love it. You schmooze pretty good in Jewish humor.— Ricki

Mort Laitner is a writer and a speaker. He can be contacted at mort laitner@bellsouth.net

“The Society Meets Buster Keaton by Mort Laitner”

PublishedFebruary 12, 2019 Post authormortlaitner@bellsouth.net

“The Society Meets Buster Keaton” by Mort Laitner

On February 16 members of the SFTOS were captivated by Walt Strony’s accompaniment on the Opus 1616 of the Buster Keaton film “The Cameraman” at Dr. Joel and Pam Jancko’s Backyard Museum.

In preparation for the concert, I decided to do some research on the actor and the movie.(Common sense note to readers—preparing for any event usually pays off. Think of how you can impress your friends with little known info. about the film.)

Here’s what I learned.

The MGM film is considered a Drama/Romance, released in 1928. (If you missed the movie, you can watch it for free on YouTube.)

It’s so good that it has been added to the National Film Registry in 2005 by the Library of Congress. One critic said, “It is a lucid, beautifully formed dramatic comedy.”

The protagonist is a newsreel cameraman. The film’s venue is NYC. The Chinatown war scenes are classic Keaton. A well-trained Josephine, Keaton’s monkey, steals many of his scenes.

Here are the numbers:

Under a two year contract, MGM paid Keaton $3,000 a week. (For 1928 that’s big bucks. Come to think of it, that’s big bucks today.)

MGM assigned 22 writers to work on the film.

The film grossed $797,000 making it a box office success.

The film ran for 67 minutes on “8” reels. Hard to believe that silent film movie-goers had that many breaks.

Additional points of interest:

The film was considered lost due to a fire in MGM vault but other copies were found.

Keaton’s stoic, deadpan expression earned him the nickname “The Great Stone Face.” (Thanks Wikipedia)

Where did the name Buster come from?

“Keaton acquired the nickname “Buster” at about 18 months of age. Keaton told an interviewer that Houdini was present one day when the young Keaton took a tumble down a long flight of stairs without injury. After the infant sat up and shook off his experience, Houdini remarked, “That was a real buster!” According to Keaton, in those days, the word “buster” was used to refer to a spill or a fall that had the potential to produce injury. After this, Keaton’s father began to use the nickname to refer to the youngster.”

Well, a good time was had by all. Thanks to the: SFTOS President Susie Tuchklaper, the Janckos, Walt Strony and Buster Keaton.

P.S. I know what many of you are asking, “Whatever happened to Josephine the monkey?”

Josephine, our simian friend, continued to work with other silent film super stars such as Harold Lloyd, in “The Kid Brother.” As a capuchin monkey, Josephine also found steady work as an “organ grinder” monkey.

“Intersecting Lives”—A Mort Laitner Game

Published Post authormortlaitner@bellsouth.net

“Intersecting Lives”—A Mort Laitner Game

One of the games I like to play is called “Intersecting Lives.”

Note to readers: This game is not as popular as Jewish geography but it is catching up.

It’s a simple game which requires only one participant. (This may be the reason for its lack of popularity.)

Here are the rules for “Intersecting Lives”:

You pick a person—living or dead.
You look for times, persons, things and places where you and this selected person’s lives intersected.
You get one point for every intersection. Try to get to 10 points.
Wild comparisons are allowed. (See below)

To teach you this game, I am going to run you through the person I picked.

Nobel Prize in Literature winning author Isaac Bashevis Singer’s.

I met I.B. Singer at Books and Books in Coral Gables. I looked him in the eyes and told him he was my favorite author. He said, “Thank you.” and autographed one of his books for me.
Almost on a daily bases, my father read the Yiddish newspaper called, “The Forward.” Singer was a frequent literary contributor to that paper.
I threw old copies of the “The Forward” into the trash or under pickerel that I had caught and filleted.
Singer was a professor at the University of Miami. I received my undergraduate degree for UM.
Singer lectured at the Concord Hotel. I snuck into the Concord to see shows.
For many summers in the Thirties and Forties, Singer went to a bungalow colony near my home town, Woodridge, New York. It was called Grine Felder (Green Fields). My school’s librarian, Gussie Kasofsky owned Grine Felder.
I read “Lost in America” where Singer writes about life in the Mountains. At times in my life I have been lost in America.
I have read most of Singers short stories and novels and have seen the ones adapted for film.
I write short stories and I am a literary contributor to the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.(I told you wild comparisons were acceptable.)
Singer’s summer doctor while he lived in the bungalow colony was Dr. William Fernhoff. My father took over Dr. Fernhoff’s practice after he past away.
Singer and I were both born in Europe, emigrated to the US and settled in New York City.
Singer was fluent in Polish. I understood Polish.

You end the game by saying the following words: “Wow, I did not think there were as many intersections between me and fill in name you selected.”

Have fun!

Readers now that you know how to play “Intersecting Lives,” give it a shot and comment on your experience.