Dear Marjorie,
You evil cunning linguist.
You queen of malapropism.
I’m now infected with COVID because of you.
My readers told me it would happen. They told me to be careful.
“Mort, we warn you, do not poke any fun at the congresswoman.
She is an evil spirit.
Lying comes easy to this child of the Devil.
She carries poisons in her pretty purple purse.”
But I did not listen.
I wrote my blogs about your naivety with all abandon.
My readers shuttered laughed and got a kick out of your antics.
No one could be that stupid!
The Orthodox warned, “Be careful boychick, she will cast her evil eye on your aged body.”
But I being secular and brave and stupid did not heed their warnings.
I had a yellow and blue hamsa hanging around my neck for protection.
And now you gave me the “Curse of Covid.”
And now I am coughing all night long.
My nose runs as if it were in a marathon.
I have no sense smell nor any sense of taste.
But I do have lingering fear that death may be around the corner.
Ergo Marjorie, you win.
I promise that I will not write any more blogs about you and Jewish laser beams or gazpacho, or trips to Brooklyn if you promise to remove the COVID curse from my body.
I sincerely hope you accept my apology.
Mort
