I met Connie at the JCC’s coffee shop. As Leonard Cohen sang “Hallelujah” in the background, we hugged tightly, smiled broadly and sipped sweet coffee.
Connie is a proud American Zionist. She schmoozes in seven languages—sports, movies, politics, history, literature, Israel and Jewish humor. I can still remember how she jumped when Israel shot its first rocket into space. Her bagel flipped off her plate and landed on the floor.
“Connie, we are blessed!”
“A SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket heads to the moon carrying an Israeli spacecraft.”
“We live in an age of miracles, an epoch of incredulity. These are the best of times!”
“Mort, this morning, I already shared that article on Facebook. The spacecraft’s name is “Beresheet” which means ‘In the beginning…’ The first words in the Bible are ascending into the heavens.”
“Tiny Israel—not England, not France, not Germany, not Japan—could be the fourth country in the world to soft land a spacecraft on the moon. First there were the three super powers—the U.S.A, the Soviet Union and then China. It’s David verses a bunch of Goliaths. Who would have thought—a country born in 1948—landing a five foot high, 1,300 pound satellite on the moon. It’s unbelievable. Israel climbs onto the Space Race Olympics platform.”
“Netanyahu, and the whole SpaceIL team were up at 3:45 am Israeli time to cheer the Cape Canaveral launch.”
“When it lands, a whole nation is going to be moonstruck. A whole nation will howl at the Moon, ‘La Bella Luna!'”
“Connie, all I can say is wow! An Israeli lunar lander, bearing a Israeli flag, crawling around the surface of the moon. I wonder if the lander has a boom box on it, so it can play Hatikvah or Hava Nagila .”
Connie laughed.
“I got a great name for the lander.”
“I’ll bite. What is it?” Connie asked.
“The Holy Lander.”
“Cute. What else you got?
“You know when the lander rolls and wanders on the surface of the Moon, it will be a Holy Roller.”
“Mort, enough of your shtick. I thought you were going to say, ‘The Wandering Jew.'”
We both laughed.
“Do you think Israeli engineers placed good luck charms on the spacecraft?” I asked.
“They better have. They’ll need all the good luck they can get. A thousand things can go wrong. It’s almost a mission impossible.”
“A mezuzah or a Hamsa might keep the evil eye off of the mission. Maybe the two of us talking about it curses the mission. Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“Pooh, pooh, pooh that is the protection Beresheet needs from the evil eye. The Torah says, ‘People who are scrupulous in the performance of mitzvahs are blessed with good things.'”
“Will rabbis require the lunar lander to have a mezuzah nailed to its doorposts?” Connie asked.
“Sure, why not? Haven’t you touched a car mezuzah?” I answered.
“I wonder if a mini robot will exit the lander and plant an Israeli flag on the moon?”
“It is going to send back images of the rocky surface, so maybe we’ll see a selfie of your little robot.” Connie replied.
I laughed.
“Connie, I see you holding your JCC cup, I got an idea. Coffee mugs emblazoned with a picture of Beresheet with its four legs dug into the Sea of Tranquility and under the image the words, ‘In the beginning…'”
“Mort, I love the idea! Let’s print it on T-shirts.”
“Connie, these are the best of times.”
“Mort, remember we live in a Dickensian paradox. A pessimist would say, ‘We live in the worst of times—anti-Semitism on the rise, Charlottesville, Squirrel Hill, swastikas painted on grave stones, BDS, rock-throwing Palestine’s and Iranian threats.'”
“Connie, best of times or worst of times, I can’t wait until April 11 when Beresheet lands on the Moon.”
“On April 11, Israel becomes a nation of ‘lunatics.'”
“Mort, Israelis have been saying that for seven decades.”
“Connie, let’s watch the landing together. Mark it on your calendar. But this time, you won’t be holding a bagel when Beresheet lands.”
“It will be almost as exciting—as when we were kids and we watched—Shepard’s flight into space or when Glenn’s orbited the earth or when Armstrong stepped on the moon.”
“We’ll hold our breath, sing Hatikva, dance the Hora and say a prayer for the miracles in our lives.”
“Hallelujah!” Connie proclaimed.
What the readers are saying:
Always great stories!! Love you!!!—Marieanne
Cute story.—Jason
Love it. You schmooze pretty good in Jewish humor.— Ricki
Mort Laitner is a writer and a speaker. He can be contacted at mort laitner@bellsouth.net