As I reread the article about Rabbi X, I started singing, “If you like piña coladas and gettin’ caught in the rain.”
Tasting the combination of cold, creamy coconut, pineapple, and rum, I thought about Rabbi X being the shonda of the rabbinical community and Israeli society. This married American member of the cloth was convicted of rape by deception by a Jerusalem Magistrate’s Court. He used a fake identity to trick unsuspecting young women into having sex.
Now that’s chutzpah!
Yes, you read that right—a rabbi did such a sinful act.
I wondered, “Did any of these fair maidens even bother to notice the untanned white line circling his left hand ring finger?”
Probably not.
Then I asked, “Does Rabbi X know any of the lyrics to Rupert Holmes’s 1979 Piña Colada song.
I was tired of my lady
We’d been together too long
like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song
Did the rabbi sing this national anthem of folks seeking extra-marital affairs as he drove to meet his prey?
Then my mind jumped to a question most of my readers have asked themselves at least once in their lives.
If I wanted to cheat on my spouse, what words would I use in my ad?
Readers, don’t you dare to pretend you’ve never had such a thought.
Okay folks, now let’s all pretend we’re a horny American rabbi trying to get some side action in Jerusalem.
What words would you write in your personal column?
For the cost conscious, remember your paying by the word and the line.
Fun-loving, Handsome, Single, White, Ashkenazi Jew in his late twenties seeking a discreet young lady for a lasting relationship with hopes of tying the knot.
I am the proud owner of a set of Giza 45 Egyptian white cotton sheets with strategically placed holes.
I’m a strictly kosher guy when it comes to makin’ love, no kinky stuff.
Let’s party.
Then I wondered, “Did Rabbi X do a Google search to see if there’s a bar in Jerusalem named O’Malleys?”
Probably not.
