As a highly religious fellow, I asked myself, “If I were Donald Trump and an assassin’s bullet nearly ended my life, what message would I take out of that experience?”
Well, here’s my version of the thoughts that ran through Donald’s brain in that millisecond when he heard the shots, felt the warm blood running down his neck, and headed for the ground.
Lord, since that bullet nearly clipped off my ear I’ll take it that your message to me is to start listening and obeying to your commandments. You’ve warned me that I better change, or you won’t be so forgiving next time.
Well Lord, here’s my list of everything I’m gonna do to correct the error of my ways.
- I promise to stop sinning to regain your favor;
- I’ll stop being a narcissist;
- I’ll start finding compassion in my heart for other people’s problems;
- I’ll stop hanging out with racists and handing them my megaphone;
- I’ll no longer walk in the darkness and pray to the Devil;
- I’ll stop lying;
- I’ll stop stealing money from charities;
- I’ll start reading the Good Book;
- I’ll stop calling our brave soldiers “Suckers and Losers;”
- I’ll stop trying to steal elections;
- I’ll no longer make a habit of practicing the Seven Deadly Sins;
- I’ll stop selling our secrets to the enemy;
- I’ll stop being an insurrectionist;
- I’ll start paying my fair share of taxes;
- I’ll never separate babies from their mothers again;
- I’ll never take a woman’s right to choose away from them again;
- I’ll stop making fun of the disabled;
- I’ll stop selling sneakers and Trump Bibles;
- I’ll stop nominating unethical and heartless judges to the Supreme Court;
- I’ll stop disgracing the office of the presidency;
- I’ll tell my followers to start traveling down the straight and narrow road of redemption;
- I’ll withdraw from the race for president and the Republican party;
- I stop paying for sex with whores and porn stars;
- I’ll stop molesting and raping women;
- I’ll remain faithful to my wife;
- I’ll burn my signed copy of Mein Kampf;
- I’ll learn to love people who are not just white straight men;
- I promise to support gun control;
- I’ll stop being a traitor;
- I won’t hangout with pedophiles;
- I will tear up my contract with Beelzebub, the one where I gave him my soul for fame, money and power;
- I won’t try to become America’s first dictator;
- I learn the meaning of the following words: Empathy, honesty and faith;
- . I’ll try to be a nice person and not kill democracy in America.
As Trump was thrown into the back of his black limo and he realized he was safe, he looked through the sunroof at the blue sky and white clouds and whispered:
“Lord, you realize I was joking. I was kidding around. I’ll never do any of that crap on that list.”
Thumbs up.—Gary
Hey Mort! Genius! Thumbs up!!
Thumbs up.—Donna
Thumbs up.—Howard
Thumbs up.—Sandy
Thumbs up.—Paul
Thumbs up.—Laurie
Thumbs up.—Sue
Thumbs up.—Sharon
Thumbs up.—Aimee
Thumbs up.—Joel
Thumbs up.—Gary
Thumbs up.—Sandy
Thumbs up.—Devorah
Thumbs up.—Alan
Thumbs up.—Paul
Thumbs up.—Lori
Ha.———-Jason
Thumbs up.—Lorraine
Thumbs up.—Ray
Thumbs up.—Eva
Thumbs up.—Joanne
Thumbs up.—Donna
Was this posted to TOI? Nisan
Good one.—Barbara
Thumbs up.—Bobby
Thumbs up.—Ruth
Thumbs up.—Neil
Thumbs up.—Donna
Thumbs up.—Sandra
Thumbs up.—Perry
Thumbs up.—Kathleen
Thumbs up.—Lorraine
Perry, Thanks for sharing.—Mort
