I met Connie as she trodded off the treadmill.
“How many minutes?” I asked.
Huffing and puffing, Connie replied, “Thirty.”
“That’s pretty good. But have you started preparing for our Beresheet landing party on April 11th?”
“Yup, I found some noise makers and two Purim groggers for us to swing when it lands. I repainted the groggers with a picture of the landing craft on the lunar surface.”
“Wow! You’re really getting into the party spirit. Well, I ordered each of us the Beresheet T-shirts and I placed an order for a sheet cake from Publix.”
“Cool. Any words written on the cake or just a picture?” Connie inquired.
“Words and a drawing. It reads: A DREAM, A MISSION, A MIRACLE AND A NEW BEGINNING. The drawing is from the photo Beresheet shot of itself from outer space.”
“Connie, have you seen the selfie?”
“Yup, pretty cool photography— with the Earth in the background. The satellite’s plaque has the Israeli flag on it, the words in English ‘SMALL COUNTRY, BIG DREAMS’ and in Hebrew, it says, “The people of Israel live.”
“The anti-Semites on the Internet are saying the pic was photoshopped. That the whole mission is a fake.”
“You know what I say to those antisemitten?”
“Nope.” Connie replied.
“They can shove our dishwasher-sized robot up their tuchus‘—to that dark place where the Sun and Moon don’t shine.”
Connie laughed.
“On the other hand, 99% of the online comments cheered Israel on—with congratulations and love. Those positive messages came from all around the world.”
“Connie, now you’ve become Tevya on me—with all this ‘on the other hand stuff.'”
“Mort, you know I like to look at both sides of the argument. That way you have a better chance of seeing the big picture.”
“Remember the big picture the last time we talked, we discussed good luck charms on Beresheet. Well, I read the entire manifest; I made notes on what’s on board the moon lander and in its time capsule.”
“Mort, I’m listening.”
I pulled the list out of my pocket and read:
“Three discs with 30 million pages of information including: children’s drawing of the Moon, the Torah, the recollections of a Holocaust survivor, Israeli songs, works of art, literature and photos of Israel’s landscape. a photo of Ilan Ramon, Israel’s first astronaut. He died on the fatal mission of the Columbia and one full version of all material in Wikipedia. The last item serves as a backup to humanity’s knowledge. Just in case our planet takes a hit.”
“Wait a effing minute! Do you know how many times ‘know-it-alls’ have told me never to quote Wiki because it is unreliable; now future generations of mankind and aliens are going to study Wikipedia as the knowledge base of our civilization!” Connie exclaimed.
“Yup, but on the other hand, since the space engineers didn’t put a hamsa or a mezuzah on board at least the aliens will be able to read about them on their Wiki pages.”
Connie smiled.
“Connie, two aliens meet on the Moon in the year 3019, they examine Beresheet’s time capsule. One alien voices his exasperation, ‘Meshugenahs! No Hamsas! No Mezuzahs! These primitive creatures new nothing about space travel.'”
Connie belly laughed.
“Then other alien says, ‘On the other hand, these Earthlings seem pretty smart. They new the value of Wikipedia.'”
Connie didn’t laugh or smile but added, “You got any more?”
“Yah one more. Both aliens look quizzically at each other, one exclaims, ‘Gevalt! Oy, vey is mir! 30 million pages of information and they forgot a recipe for gefilte fish!'”
Connie giggled.
“Now that there is going to be a digital Torah on the Moon, it’s time for the party planners to start thinking destination lunar Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.”
“Connie, talking about parties, how many people are we going to invite to our Beresheet party?”
“Mort, I thought opening it up to all the members of the JCC. We can ask them to RSVP, to get a sense of how many will show up.”
Wow! You’re really thinking big picture. Wouldn’t it be great if Temples, Hebrew Schools, Evangelical Churches and JCCs across the globe threw Beresheet landing parties.
I paused for dramatic effect.
“Well, on the other hand, that project sounds like a lot of work.”
Connie smiled and shook her head as if questioning why she even bothers talking to me.
Mort Laitner is an author and a public speaker. He resides in Cooper City and can be contacted at mortlaitner@bellsouth.net
