The Continuing Adventures of Boris and Natasha— Episode 5 “The Tweet”
Satire by Mort Laitner
Narrator: The last time we saw our nefarious duo, they were marveling at living in the White House while working on their spy craft. To their amazement, the president has invited them to join him in his private living quarters as he tweets during the late hours of night.
President: Boris and Natasha, thanks for coming up here at this hour. Pull up some chairs.
Boris: Ve are honored to be here in your illustrious presence. Ve love living in the Vhitehouse. You really know how make your guests feel right at home.
Natasha: Your chefs cook the most amazing dishes. Last night’s beef stroganoff vas as good as the dinner ve had in the Kremlin with our fearless leader—President Putin.
President: Well I have the greatest chefs in the world. They beg me to come work in the White House. I deserve great chefs because I am the greatest president in American history. I have only been president for four months and I am already known as the greatest. Fox News compared me to Lincoln, Washington and FDR and they determined in a fair and balanced way that I beat out those three by a mile.
Boris: Congratulations! In Russia, ve have always considered you the best. Ve are planning on erecting statues of you for all of the major cities in our country. Of course, these statues will be located next to Trump hotels. By the vay President Trump, Vladimir sends his varmest regards and asked us to convey his personal assurance that your secrets are safe in his hands.
President: Boris, please tell Vlad, “I miss him.” Tell him my check is in the mail. And finally tell him I’ll see him in Moscow when things cool down here in the States.
Boris: Your request is as good as done. But how can ve help you here tonight.
President: Well some my advisors, like Bannon and some of my personal lawyers, have requested that I get some folks to act as filters on my Twitter account. To read my tweets before I post them. I thought you two could help me out.
Natasha: You type and we’ll read. I won’t let you press the button until it’s ready.
President: Here is one. “Prez thinking of declaring Billy Bush Day a national holiday. All government employees required to take a bus to work on that day.”
Boris: Sorry greatest leader of the free vorld, “Too soon.”
President: Great job Boris. I was only testing you. That was a joke!
President: How about this, “Prez invites Kathy Griffin and Tyler Shields to White House for picture shoot.”
Natasha: Vell I think the American people still have blood coming out of their eyes, blood coming out of their…vherever, based on her last photo of you, I think she has not done enough begging for forgiveness. Redemption ain’t cheap. Hold that tweet for a month or two.
President: Natasha you are not only cute but you have a way with words. I love your accent and your tweets. You Russian gals have amazing figures. I will always remember my last nights in Moscow.
Natasha: Boris, dahling you look so tired. Vhy don’t you go back to our bedroom, Vhile Donald and I vork out some new tweets. The president looks like he needs a neck massage. This job is puttin a lot of stress on him. I’ll be up in a little vhile.
Narrator: As Boris gloomily leaves the presidential living quarters, Natasha stands behind the president, with her hands massaging his shoulders and neck. Don’t touch that dial. Stay tuned for our next episode to find out what pops up next in the Adventures of Boris and Natasha.
What the readers are saying:
I reed this vith best Russian accent imitation of Boris I know. Very funny, must go now need to spy on moose und sqvurrel. Dasvedanya komrad! — Maurice
Funny.—Barry
Keep it going Mort. You are on a roll.—Ricki
I love this—excellent writing and so funny.Mort Laitner thank you for writing and posting — I hope to be able to read your next piece —Stiletto Davis—A dominatrix who writes erotica.
Hysterical.—Elaine
Keep it up. Funny and Sad!—Cary
Mort, Oh My God!
This is hilarious so precise and to the point. I pictured everything while reading. Woh! You must send this some place. I always remarked on Trump’s posture, what a shame.—Gina
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I reed this vith best Rrussian accent imitation of Boris I know. Very funny, must go now need to spy on mooose und sqvurrel. Dasvedanya komrad!
Change this setting
Message body
I reed this vith best Rrussian accent imitation of Boris I know. Very funny, must go now need to spy on mooose und sqvurrel. Dasvedanya komrad!
Thanks for sharing it my friend, happy writing, you are an excellent writer.—Gina
Very cute.—Steve
You have a talent.—Jim
