But Wait There’s More

images“But Wait There’s More”
Serious Humor By Mort Laitner
Turning on the TV, I watch an infomercial selling some household cleanser.

The pitchman inches me closer to buying the item.

His stream of words cause me to glance at my cell phone.

His hook grazes past my opened lips.

He raises his voice one octave and clearly enunciates, “but wait there’s more if you call right now, we will send you and extra cleanser at no cost to you.”

I yell out the, “but wait there’s more” a millisecond after hearing it.

I love the cathartic effort caused by bellowing “but wait there’s more” at the TV screen.

I want all commercials to add these four words to their pitch.

But wait there’s more—You my get a four-hour woody.

I wonder if this advertisement is true because none of my friends have ever complained about this serious side effect.

But wait there’s more—Make sure you Google what fungal infections are prevalent in your neighborhood and then remember to tell your doctor before taking our pills.— In Yiddish this tactic is known as Chutzpah.

The art of shifting responsibility from the physician who is charging a fee for his services to the patient who is paying.

But wait there’s more—“Tamiflu may cause serious side effects, including serious skin and allergic reactions.”

But wait there’s more—Zecurity may cause serious side effects, including heart attack and other heart problems, which may lead to death.”

But wait there’s more— Are Zecurity poppers crazy risk-takers?

But wait there’s more— If your stream is too weak take our pill.

But wait there’s more— If you can’t hold your stream take our pill.

But wait there’s more— Are all these pill-pushing commercials meant to drive us a little bit crazy.

But wait there’s more— Are they planting seeds in the fertile soil of our subconscious minds?

But wait there’s more— I commence blurting out “may cause serious side effects” during pharma commercials.

But wait there’s more—Here are the answers— Yes they are and yes they have .

But wait there’s more—If you liked this poem share it with a friend.

But wait there’s more— You can read more at mortlaitner.com

Readers’ comments:

“Clever.” — Andrew Neiderman, Best-selling American novelist.

Great Story!— Joan

I just bought the book.—Steve

You are getting to be a real pro with so many poems. —Gina