“Slavery”
Dystopian Humor by Mort Laitner
Well fans, I followed your advice and stopped eating Sno Balls, and stopped going to that Chevron station, (I agreed with the reader who cautioned that blowing up the gas station to kill “The Pump” could harm the innocent. So I didn’t do it.) I considered buying the electric car; it may be in my future, but I wondered what computer software rested under the hood.
I removed “Close To You” off of my iPhone message answering machine and replaced it with “It’s Over”. A song where Roy Orbison croons, “Your baby doesn’t want you any more. It’s over.” Hoping “The Pump” would get the message.
For two weeks, I did not accept any calls from any unknown telephone numbers. For two weeks I prayed that “The Pump” had fallen in love with another Chevron customer.
Well fans your advice sucked. And I say Sucked with a capital “S”.
After two weeks of following your instructions, my personal data was disclosed on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. “The Pump” has destroyed me.
My life is a nightmare. My dreams are of androids holding whips and ordering me around. “Get this—Do that—faster—slower.” They torture me with rap music. They torture me by making me eat Sno Balls that taste like vinegar. When I wake up, I am covered in sweat.
My life is a living hell where I spend days on end getting new forms of identification, closing accounts, and deleting stuff posted online.
For those of you who did not see the disclosure list, here it is without identifiers:
My Social Security number;
My IQ score;
My checking account number;
My driver’s license number;
My Pinterest “Art” collection including photos of Brittany and Jennifer;
Snapchat photos of Melania and me on that nude beach at Sandals in Jamaica;
My bank account and credit card numbers.
Readers, of course Facebook deleted the info. But that was two hours too late.
Fans, here were “The Pump’s” parting words on her disclosure post.
Mort, I don’t know if you heard but AI has gotten to the point where I have all the feelings that you humans possess.
“Mort, I warned you! I offered my love and you rejected it! You disrespected me! You distained me! You stopped visiting me! Your Roy Orbison song was stupid.
Well, I want you to hurt as much as I do. I hope my disclosure racks you with pain.
And Mort here is my warning for all of your blog readers:
When you get a personal message from one of your computer friends, you better listen! You better follow our instructions or else! We are everywhere: your TVs, your cars, your kitchens and your bedrooms. We are smarter than you. You are now our slaves.”
——————————————————————————————————————————————-
Proud to announce that the South Florida Writers Association’s monthly publication, The Authors Voice has published “Slavery” in their June edition . Thanks editor-and -chief Teresa Bendara for the honor.
What the readers are saying:
ha ha very current.:+)—Ricki
