“The Continuing Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle” by Mort Laitner

Rocky-And-Bullwinkle-Cartoon-Wallpapers-7

 A Mort Laitner Satire
“The Continuing Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle”

Narrator: When we last heard from the nefarious duo of Boris and Natasha, they were bragging about handing the Trump campaign Hillary’s emails and setting up a victory for Agent Orange. They were awaiting  gold metals with the fearless leader’s face on them and a dacha outside Moscow. After the election, they received both. Now they sit in their dacha awaiting their next assignment. 

Natasha: Dahling, since ve stole the US election as a present for our Fearless Leader, how are our operatives doing in the States?

Boris: Natasha, first allow me to introduce myself to these lovely people. My name is Boris Badenov and this is my beautiful partner, Natasha Fatale. In the 1960’s, ve vere Soviet spies. Ve now vork for Russia’s President Putin. He vas KGB just like us. His code name is Fearless Leader.

Natasha: Dahling, now please answer my question.

Boris: Of course, my skinny Slavic pumpkin seed. Ve vere doing so vell, until Agent 86, Paul Manafort, lost his job as Trump’s campaign manager. All those multimillion-dollar deals with our oligarchs down the drain. He was kicked off the team. Now the FBI wants to interview him under oath. Ve have emailed him, on our secure server, our special pamphlet on how to plead the Fifth. Ve always come through for our agents.

Natasha: How is our general doing? That was a great photo of him with our fearless leader at that Moscow gala.

Boris: Lousy, my long-necked goose. Ve had it made. He vas the head of the NSA. Ve owned him. Ve vere in like flint or should I say Flynn. He got caught in one little lie to the vice president and they fired his ass. He now vants immunity.

Natasha: Dahling, that seems a little harsh—Trump lies all the time. Are there any other problems?

Boris: Ya, my black-haired femme fatale, ve got troubles with a capital “T”.

Natasha: Vell how are our other operatives doing?

Boris: Vell the Attorney General lied; he had to recuse himself from all Russian-US election matters. He vas afraid to say he had a meeting with our ambassador.

Natasha: Vell that’s a big loss for our team. How’s the son-in-law doing?

Boris: The House, the Senate and the FBI vant to interview him.

Natasha: Anyone else? This is starting to sound like a novel.

Boris: Yup, two low-level clowns named Roger Stone and Carter Page. They are Trump’s court jesters—his Shakespearean fools. These guys are bottom feeders. They make a little Russian money and don’t know how to keep their mouth’s shut. Stone even wears patchwork coats.

Natasha: After all the vork ve put into this election and these guys are going to screw it all up.

Boris: Don’t worry my Siberian buttercup, the American people vill never see Trump’s tax returns nor the video tape of the romp he had with our comrades in that Moscow hotel room.

Natasha: Vhat you just said makes me fell so much better.

Boris: But remember my sweet bowl of borsht vith a dollop of sour cream, before ve go back to States, ve must get the moose and squirrel.

 

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April 1, 2017